BG Says: PWG The Secret of the Ooze
Posted by Brad Garoon on 01.26.2006
If only it had stayed a secret.
August 14, 2004 - Los Angeles, California
Your hosts are Disco Machine & Excalibur.
The show kicks off with new PWG champion Frankie Kazarian in the ring. He rattles off the promotions in California in which he's been the champion. He throws in his TNA X-Division championship reigns for good measure. Colt Cabana doesn't stand a chance against him tonight. Cabana and his new manager C. Edward Vanderpyle come out for a confrontation. Cabana has a list of championships he's won as well. Six time Marshmellow Eating Champion. Three time Illinois State Hungry Hungry Hippos Champion. He can chug a glass of tang faster than anybody in the room. Then he starts listing off wrestling titles that he's never actually won, and some of which don't actually exist. He's mad that Kazarian ripped on his boy Adam Pearce, so he's going to take the PWG title. Shabbat shalom, we're in the Jewish Community Center so Cabana's got the home field advantage.
VS. Topgun Talwar & Charles Mercury VS. Human Tornado & Supa Badd [Gauntlet Match - Part 1]
This gauntlet is Scrambled Eggs rules, which means no tags are necessary, you just have to roll out of the ring for your partner to be legal. Talwar and Badd have a push up contest to start, which Talwar loses because he can't do real push ups. Talwar and Tornado start the match. They lock up and Talwar grabs a headlock. They botch a leap frog so Talwar teases him. Tornado hits a dropkick and takes Talwar to the floor. He rams him against the wall as Badd hits Mercury with a basketball. Tornado scores a basket and segues perfectly to a hurricanrana on Talwar. Awesome awesome awesome. In the ring Badd hits a flapjack on Mercury. Tornado leapfrogs into a legdrop on Mercury for 2. Badd hits a Manhattan drop on Talwar and dumps Mercury to the floor. He hits another Manhattan drop on Talwar and Tornado dropkicks his knee. Badd kicks him in the face for 2. Mercury comes in and goes low. He puts on a cloverleaf and Talwar pins Tornado with his feet on the ropes at 3:22. Nothing match with some good humor thrown in. Rating: 1/2*
VS. Topgun Talwar & Charles Mercury VS. Disco Machine & Excalibur [Gauntlet Match - Part 2]
Talwar and Excalibur knuckle up as Disco and Mercury watch on. Sexual Aggression hit stereo monkey flips and the S.B.S. bail. Talwar dives onto them from the top turnbuckle. Mercury does the same with a 450 dive. Back in the ring Mercury hits a legdrop on Excalibur for 2. He hits a running knee for 2. He hits a bodyslam and tags to Talwar. Talwar hits a basement shoulder block for 2. Mercury tags in and hits a DDT. He sloppily slams Talwar onto Excalibur and then hits a legdrop from the second rope for 2. Talwar tags in and gets dumped to the floor. Excalibur hits a kick to the face on Mercury and tags to Disco. Disco hits a powerslam for 2. Talwar hits him with a Rydien bomb for 2. Disco comes back with a Manhattan drop for 2. Mercury accidentally elbowdrops Talwar. Excalibur hits a tombstone piledriver on a chair on the floor to Talwar as Disco hits Mercury with the Chokebreaker for the win at 5:29. Just spots. Rating: *
VS. Disco Machine & Excalibur VS. Los Rojo Locos [Gauntlet Match - Finals]
Los Locos attack Excalibur on the floor. They attack Disco from behind in the ring. Uno hits a snap suplex for 2. Dos tags in and hits a backbreaker. He drops a few elbows on Disco's back for 2. Uno tags in and puts on a liontamer but Excalibur makes the save by stepping on Disco's face. Oops. Dos hits a backbreaker for 2. He runs Disco into Uno's knees and Uno hits an elbowdrop from the second rope. Disco fights back and hits a dropkick to both of them for 2. Excalibur comes in and cleans house. He hits Dos with a brainbuster for 2 when Uno saves. Dos holds Excalibur for Uno but Disco trips Uno and pulls him from the ring. Dos climbs to the top but gets crotched. Uno and Excalibur fight each other on the shoulders of Dos and Disco. Excalibur wins but ends up getting driven down face first. Uno gets tied up in the ropes and Disco goes to take his mask off. Dos hits him with a lungblower and Uno hits a double stomp. Los Locos put on a crossface/Boston crab combo. Excalibur takes out Dos but Uno picks up the win with a half crab at 6:26. Kind of fun, but very messy. Rating: *1/4
VS. Quicksilver VS. Joey Ryan
This match came about because Chris Bosh didn't show up, so Joey made an open challenge. Joey is still mocking Scott Lost's super hero love by wearing Human Torch tights. They lock up and the referee blocks the camera's shot of the action. Quicksilver puts on an armbar but Ryan gets to the ropes. Ryan takes him to the mat but Quicksilver reverses to a hammerlock and Ryan goes to the ropes. Ryan hits a dropkick and puts on an armbar. Quicksilver fights out and hits a moonsault to Ryan's arm. Ryan bails and Quicksilver catches him coming back into the ring. He hits a side Russian legsweep and puts on an armbar. He gets a roll up for 2 and goes back to the arm. He drops a leg on the arm and hits a back elbow before putting the armbar back on. He hits a leg lariat for 2. He drops an elbow on the arm and rams Ryan's shoulder into the turnbuckle. Ryan comes back with a hammerlock suplex and Quicksilver bails. He pulls Ryan to the floor but gets tossed shoulder first into the post. He comes off the apron with an ugly crossbody. Back in the ring Ryan gets 2. He hits a hammerlock bodyslam for 2. He keeps the hold on and hits a northern lights suplex for 2. Quicksilver forces Ryan to the floor and follows him out with a no-hands dive. Back in the ring he puts on a grapevined hammerlock but Ryan reverses to a cross armbreaker. Quicksilver reverses to an armbar but Ryan fights out and hits a spinebuster. Quicksilver comes back with one of his own but his arm is too hurt to capitalize. He puts on Six Seconds Magic but Ryan reverses to a shoulder breaker. He puts on the Rings of Saturn but Quicksilver goes to the arm to escape. Ryan hits a powerbomb for 2. He goes for another but Quicksilver blocks and gets a roll up for 2. Ryan catches him with a roll up for his own for the win at 13:19. This was technically fine, but the armwork was the whole match and it went nowhere and there was no drama to speak of. Eh, at least the show is steadily improving. Rating: *3/4
Commissioner Paul T comes to the ring and tells Ryan that he's unhappy about the lack of tag team title defenses. He blames Ryan because he and Scott Lost couldn't get it together as a team and defend the belts. So he announces a ladder match between the two for The Next Show with the tag team titles on the line. The winner will get to choose who holds the other belt.
VS. Brad Bradley & Babi Slymm VS. Apollo Kahn & Brandon Thomaselli
The big men have Vanderpyle in their corner. Bradley and Thomaselli start. Bradley forces him to the corner and unloads with forearms. He hits an STO and a strong chop in the ropes. Thomaselli kicks at Bradley's thigh but gets shoulder blocked down. Slymm and Kahn tag in. They lock up and Slymm tosses Kahn to the mat. Kahn puts on a hammerlock but Slymm makes it to the ropes. Slymm goes to a headlock but Kahn fights out. He hits a dropkick and Bradley makes the tag. Thomaselli comes in and tries to pummel Bradley but the big man just unloads with forearms. He dodges Thomaselli's crossbody and hits a German suplex for 2. Slymm tags in and puts on a chinlock. He hits a back elbow for 2. He hits a bodyslam and an elbowdrop for 2. He chokes Thomaselli in the ropes and tags to Bradley. Bradley reverses a sunset flip to a butt splash for 1. He hits a backbreaker for 2. He gets 7 revolutions off an airplane spin before falling down and tagging to Slymm. Slymm tosses Thomaselli into the air and gets 2 when he hits the mat. He puts on a chinlock but Thomaselli fights out and dropkicks the knee. Kahn tags in and hits a shoulder block to the knee. He dropkicks Bradley out of the ring where Thomaselli hits him with a moonsault. Bradley pulls Kahn to the floor and rolls him back into the ring where Slymm gets 2. Slymm hits a vertical suplex for 2. He puts on a front facelock and tags to Bradley. Bradley hits a back suplex for 2. He hits a running knee in the corner and tags to Slymm who gets 2. Kahn comes back with a side suplex and tags to Thomaselli. Bradley tags in but Thomaselli is cleaning house. He and Kahn hit a double suplex on Bradley. Thomaselli hits a standing shooting star press for 2. Slymm dumps Kahn and follows him to the floor. Thomaselli goes for a hurricanrana but Bradley blocks and hits a lariat for the win at 14:18. Some decent big man/little man stuff went on in this one. Rating: **1/4
VS. Puma VS. Josh Prohibition
They lock up and Puma grabs a wristlock. Prohibition gets one of his own but Puma gets his back on. Prohibition puts on a hammerlock and gets 2. Puma reverses to an armbar but Prohibition hits a bodyslam to escape. He puts on an armbar but Puma goes to the corner to break. They trade strikes until Puma hits a snap suplex for 2. He puts on a chinlock but Prohibition reverses to a cravat. Prohibition blocks a blind charge and hits a missile dropkick. He puts on an armbar and hits a snap suplex for 2. He hits an ocean cyclone suplex for 2. Puma comes back with a tombstone piledriver but a tornado DDT is reversed to a butterfly suplex into a double underhook submission. Puma makes it to the ropes. Prohibition hits a falcon arrow for 2. He hits a brainbuster for 2. Puma hits a German suplex for 2 and puts on a cloverleaf for the win at 9:08. Too short to really pick up any steam, but what was there was good. Rating: **1/2
VS. Frankie Kazarian (c) VS. Colt Cabana [PWG Championship Match]
Cabana grabs a front facelock to start but Kazarian reverses to his own. Cabana makes it to the ropes. He gets an armdrag into an armbar as the commentators discuss the finer points of the Jewish practice of using tefillin and daviding. For more information on the subject, please inquire at your local synagogue. Cabana keeps the armbar on as Kazarian bails and runs around the room. Back in the ring Cabana misses an armdrag and Kazarian misses an elbow. Cabana fakes an elbowdrop and puts the armbar back on. Kazarian blocks a bodyslam and hits an elbowdrop. He sweeps Cabana's legs and hits a slingshot legdrop for 2. Kazarian puts on a surfboard stretch and hits a headbutt to the back. Cabana plays possum and gets a roll up for 2. He puts on a shin vice but Kazarian kicks him off. Kazarian hits a double stomp in the corner and goes for the Colt 45. Cabana blocks it and goes for the Wave of the Future. Kazarian blocks it so Cabana hits a DDT. He hits a pair of clotheslines and jabs away. He gets a roll up for 2. He hits a flying forearm for 2. Kazarian gets dumped to the floor and bangs his leg on the steps on the way down. Cabana follows him out with a baseball slide and sets him up against the post for a chop. Kazarian moves and Cabana smacks the post. Back in the ring Kazarian hits a blockbuster for 2. Cabana blocks a high knee and hits a kneelift. The camera misses it but Vanderpyle hits Cabana from behind and Kazarian hits the Wave of the Future for the win at 13:10. Fun match. Even with the heel turn the title match and this angle should have been at the end of the show, crowd reaction be damned. Rating: ***
Slymm and Bradley run down to the ring and help Kazarian put the boots to Cabana. Vanderpyle dubs his new stable the First Family of PWG. He rambles on and on until Cabana chases them all off with a chair.
VS. CM Punk VS. Donovan Morgan
Punk has Stevie Corp. tights on, which was out of the norm at this point in his career. Morgan rambles on forever before the match. He invites some girl into the ring, asks her if she's over 18, and then kisses her down to the mat. I would have picked out a more attractive girl. They get into an unfunny argument about the value of paying homage to Stevie Richards on a Sunday and I wonder to myself why I like wrestling. They lock up and Punk forces Morgan into the corner. Morgan returns the favor and hits a cheap shot. Punk takes him to the mat but he makes it to the ropes. Back on the mat Morgan tries too hard to be funny and fails. He goes to the eyes but misses a blind charge. Punk drops an elbow on the arm and puts on a hammerlock. He hits a backbreaker with the hold on for 2. He drops a leg on the arm and puts on a wristlock. He hits a hiptoss and puts on an armbar. Morgan comes back with a head and arm suplex. He hits a seated dropkick for 2. He hits a clothesline in the corner for 2. He hits a back suplex for 2. He puts on the Mark Nulty Special but Punk makes it to the ropes. He hits a DDT and both men are down. Back on their feet Punk hits a clothesline for 2. He hits a leg lariat for 2. He hits an armbreaker and puts on a crossface but Morgan makes it to the ropes. Morgan blocks a blind charge and comes off the second rope with a DDT for 2. He hits the Golden Gate Swing for 2. He goes for a Pedigree but Punk reverses to a backslide for the win at 10:05. Dull match that picked up a bit at the end. Rating: **
VS. Super Dragon VS. Samoa Joe
So here we have PWG's special attraction against the man outgrew SoCal altogether. They lock up and Joe forearms Dragon in the corner. He takes Dragon to the mat but he comes back with a kick to the face. Dragon puts on an armbar but Joe makes it to the ropes. Dragon slaps him so Joe slugs him down. Joe hits a series of knees to the face and Dragon bails. Back in the ring Dragon hits a running forearm. He stops short of the STJoe and hits a kick to the face. Joe hits a belly-to-belly suplex and Dragon bails. Joe follows him out with a suicide dive and hits it spot on. So spot on in fact that Dragon flies all the way back into the hard camera. Joe tosses him into a row of chairs and then slaps him to the floor. Back in the ring Joe hits a delayed vertical suplex for 2. He hits the Big Joe Combo for 2. They trade strikes and Dragon collapses to the mat. Joe just pummels him, making Dragon's attempts at a comeback look pathetic. Dragon hits an enziguiri knocking Joe to the floor. He climbs the ropes and barely hits the sky twister press. Back in the ring Dragon hits a top rope kneedrop for 2. He hits a tornado DDT and goes right into a double underhook submission. Joe makes it to the ropes. He beats Dragon down in the corner and gets 2. He hits a powerbomb for 2 and goes right into the STF. He turns it into a crossface but Dragon makes it to the ropes. Dragon hits a dragon screw but Joe launches him into the post and to the floor. PWG seemingly uses the Japanese-style 20 count on the floor and Dragon gets back in the ring at 13. Joe puts on a wristlock and headbutts the hand. He hits a suplex and puts on an armbar. Dragon makes it to the ropes. They trade forearms and Dragon knocks Joe down with one of the roaring variety for 2. Dragon goes to the apron for a springboard move but his arm is too messed up to lift himself. He goes to the top rope for a leg lariat but Joe catches him and slams him for 2. Dragon blocks a bodyslam so Joe kicks him in the face. Dragon goes for the Psycho Driver but Joe blocks and goes for the choke. Dragon blocks that and hits a side suplex for 2. He climbs the ropes and hits a double stomp to the head for 2. He hits a clothesline for 2. Joe hits a powerslam for 2 and goes right into a cross armbreaker. Dragon makes it to the ropes. Joe slaps the crap out of him so Dragon fights back with forearms. Joe hits him with an overhead suplex over the top rope to the floor and he gets counted out at 21:51. They worked nice and tight there, and it was cool to see Dragon on the receiving end of a beating for once, but it never felt like he had a chance of winning and the finish was disappointing. So disappointing in fact that it makes me wonder why PWG Championship match didn't fill this slot. Rating: ***1/4
Extra backstage shenanigans and tomfoolery.
Los Rojo Locos cut a promo in nervous Spanglish, calling themselves the hottest and best tag team in PWG. They want the titles. They also want the Ballards to be brought back to PWG because they know the Ballards are actually a little bit better than they are.
Babi Slymm is ready to take over PWG with his home boy Brad Brizzle Bradley. He's just keepin' it gangsta'.
Colt Cabana doesn't remember the lyrics to his favorite songs, and he's mad that it took four guys to beat him tonight. He's going to England, as he tends to do after he loses a match, but he'll be back. We can see him more simply by rewinding our DVD.
Kazarian is dominant over Chicago wrestlers, having beaten Adam Pearce and Cabana. He'll beat Mike Ditka and Harry Carry, corpse and all. How about CM Punk? Or Brad Bradley? Or Ace Steel? Or One Man Gang? Or Brad Garoon?!
Vanderpyle and his new heel stable of Kazarian, Bradley and Slymm stand around looking cool. They're the first family of PWG, and Kazarian's second PWG title reign is going to be a long one.
Samoa Joe says he gave the fans what they wanted when he stepped in the ring with Super Dragon, but now he's going to get what he wants. He wants the championship in every promotion he steps into, and now he wants the PWG title. Great little promo.
Subtitle of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie sequel. Kevin Nash played Super Shredder in that movie, for anyone looking for an actual connection in wrestling.
While the show generally improved as it went on it was pretty disappointing when compared to the show that preceded it. Nothing is worth going crazy for and while the angles progressed nicely the show didn't catch me in a way that makes me want to recommend it.
If you do want to pick this up you can contact Ryan J at firstname.lastname@example.org, he'll take care of you. You can also purchase this DVD at Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's website and Highspots.com.
Please join me when I return with my review of The Next Show