The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Superbrawl VII

The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Superbrawl VII

There are some shows, there are some shows…

Oh, if only I’d listened to my brain when I got asked if there was any chance of recapping a bunch of old WCW shows. I sat there and thought, well it’ll cost money to put together and I have already seen all the good matches WCW ever put on thanks to some awesome compilation tapes I scored a few years back. Logically I had no reason to sit through all this. Hey, I could have spent a load of money on puroresu tapes instead. Something I actually enjoy watching. While early WCW was all sorts of fun mid 1994 onwards has been a bad mix of torture and roadkill. While WCW have put on some entertaining matches I’d already seen them. The bad part is sitting through countless bad matches with bad wrestlers in with bad booking attached. Why do I do this? Well, it’s for you people out there reading. I’m sure you’ll get more than a few chuckles out of the shit I have to sit through for your amusement. That must be why I got so many requests for XPW shows. Seeing as this is the “Flashbacks” is there anything old school you’d like to see more of? And I’ll see what I can do about acquiring it once this WCW run is over and done with. I’m throwing it out there to the readers. It could be anything old school unless I’ve already done it. Which rules out every WWF/E PPV as they’re all done and dusted and in the archive. True some of them are old and woefully out of date in terms of content but they’re done. I like to keep fresh and keep moving. Recommendations? Suggestions? Send them on in to my email address and I’ll consider all things in due course. Of course there are a shit load of WCW tapes to get through before we even get close to that. Another 30 PPV after this one to be precise. So chances are I’ll still be recapping WCW shows well into next Summer. Oh, I shouldn’t have worked that out. Now I’ve only depressed myself.

We’re in San Francisco, California. Hosts are the usual three wasters.

ALCATRAZ – to start the show we go out to the prison where Roddy Piper is preparing for tonight’s title match. Of course if he wasn’t an idiot he’d already have the title. After all it was his contract that lead to the Starrcade match with Hogan that he won. Apparently he’s spent the week in Alcatraz. Why, I’m not quite sure. He laughs like a crazy deluded half crippled wrestler. Um. First thing I fast forward tonight is Dusty Rhodes’ analysis of whatever he’s talking about. Fat Tony talks about Syxx’s history of stealing belts from wrestlers who actually won them. He seems to have gone bonkers so he’s in a title match to try and get his own belt.

Cruiserweight title – Dean Malenko (c) v Syxx

Syxx jumps ahead of the bell so Malenko levels him with a leaping calf kick and pins for 2. Malenko hasn’t given him enough of a beating – vertical suplex gets 2 and he pulls off the cover again. Powerslam gets 2. This time Syxx has to kick out. Malenko dropkicks the knee and goes after the Cloverleaf but Syxx kicks him off. Cactus crossbody from Malenko. Syxx tries for a spin kick but Malenko ducks and clotheslines him. Back inside and Malenko catches the spin kick so Syxx follows through with an Enzuigiri. Back kick in the corner and the Broncobuster. Legdrop gets 2. Sleeper but Malenko runs him into the ropes while Rhodes talks about Roddy Piper. He goes for it again but Malenko back suplexes out. To the apron and Syxx drops the elbow off the ropes. Vertical suplex from Syxx as he continues to work the neck. Minnesota jam gets 2. Syxx with the sleeper again but Malenko counters it. Syxx climbs but Malenko catches him and hits a back superplex. Syxx counters it but doesn’t land on Malenko. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Syxx goes after the belt and here comes Eddie Guerrero to prevent the interference. Syxx wins the tug o’ war and lays out Malenko with the belt at 12.00. ***. I could have lived without the interference but otherwise solid. At least Syxx doesn’t need to steal his own belt now. Unfortunately it means more nWo dominance as they claim another belt. They now have the WCW title, tag titles and the cruiserweight belt.

BACKSTAGE Scheme Gene interviews DDP. He’s facing someone from the nWo tonight. DDP says it can’t be Hogan, Hall, Nash and Syxx as they are all busy tonight. He runs through some other guys and Gene brings up Buff. It’s a little like vomiting. Gene makes it official. DDP’s response – “Diamond Cutter….BANG!”

Konnan/La Parka/Villano IV v Juventud Guerrera/Super Calo/Ciclope

In the interests of having diversity on the card WCW throws out a trios match. Seeing as this has no chance of getting any time it’ll just end up as a spotfest. I have nothing against lucha libre, I have a great deal against bad lucha libre. Like most of this is. Heenan gets all sentimental about Ray Stevens, which I can take over Dusty talking about the Dallas Cowboys. In the ring everything sucks until Juvi comes in and Konnan dodges one of his spin kicks FINALLY doing something that looks convincing. He hits his rolling clothesline. Juvi with a springboard missile dropkick. Are there we go, back to the usual as K-Dawg stands there and takes it. Juvi goes for some weird Mexican move and gets planted with an Ocean Cyclone. Konnan cleans house and powerbombs Ciclope. Parka in but he misses in the corner. Calo up top with the flying headscissors. Calo boots Parka through the ropes and hits a hilo onto the fallen masked man. He goes for a springboard but Parka just steps out of the way. CHAIRMAN’S CHAIR! He sits Calo on it and hits a tope. That was pretty convoluted. But this match is all about spots so I can ignore that. Tony starts getting confused as to who is who. Ciclope tries for a top rope Asai but misses by some distance and nearly kills himself. Parka comes off the top to level Juvi. Tony still can’t tell Ciclope and Calo apart. Juvi crotches Parka and hits a diving rana on him. Konnan makes the save. Konnan boosts Juvi for Villano to hit him with the Doomsday Device. Konnan and Villano take Juvi apart and try to tap him but in comes everyone else for a big rolling cradle and Parka pins everyone for 2. Everyone still in there so Konnan throws Juvi over the top. They form the Star and Parka goes a Mexican Surfboard on Juvi in the middle. Triple topes from Team Juvi although Juvi was nowhere near hitting anyone so I have no idea why he dived. Still no selling here. Juvi rolls up Konnan for 2. Splash Mountain from Konnan gets 2 or 3 depending on what frame of mind the referee was in and the match is over at 8.56. *3/4. Total spotfest, nothing else. At least most of it was clean, which is surprising for Konnan. Seems odd they’d job Juvi when there were so many useless nobodies out there. I think this would probably have been more impressive at the time but with the sheer amount of spotfests that have taken place over the past decade it’s lessened the impact.

TV title – Prince Iaukea (c) v Rey Mysterio Jr

To keep Rey fresh they’ve bumped him up to TV title contention. Shame he has to wrestle Prince Iaukea, “son” of King Curtis Iaukea. I’m not even sure they billed him as that. What you should know however is he’s totally green and heatless. He manages to not fuck up a nip up, which is good but Rey is NOT the guy to be carrying a match (at this time anyway). Horrible back bump from Iaukea and it gets worse as he twitches looking at Rey about to dropkick him. Rey uses the 619 to save himself a beating and a thrust kick gives Iaukea a 2 count. Dusty starts getting incoherent even for him during this match where he starts talking about Prince Iaukea not becoming a king unless someone votes for him. What the fuck? Even Tony can’t make any sense of it. “Where do they vote for kings?” “From the place where princes are from” replies Dusty. How did he ever get a commentating job? Seriously now. Iaukea is incredibly boring. He hits a vertical suplex. Thinks about pinning. Thinks about it. Pins for 2. Chinlock. Fuck you man, you suck. I guess its WCW’s fault for putting the title on him in the first place but I already hate WCW. Rey manages to rana Iaukea to the floor. This is horrible. No timing, no chemistry and nothing approaching psychology. Rey sets up Iaukea on the floor and TOPE CON HILO to a guy lying on the floor. Are you insane? Double springboard moonsault press gets 2. Spinning heel kick connects and then Rey sells that too much. Arabian press gets 2. He even stood on the top rope before dropping into it. Iaukea does the Konnan ‘standing around waiting for stuff to happen’ too much. To the ropes and Iaukea takes Rey over with a Samoan drop off the top. Steven Regal strolls out here to take a look. Why on Earth didn’t they push Regal? They had dozens of chances to push him and he was a legitimate high card heel OR babyface not that WCW would ever bother turning a guy with grassroots support face. He dumps Rey face first on the apron and Iaukea pins for the win at 8.52. BOO! *1/2. Too much suck, not enough good. Iaukea just totally sucks. This match was saved from total suckdom by Rey doing silly high spots.

POST MATCH Iaukea gives the belt to Rey because he doesn’t want the tainted win. Rey doesn’t want it either. Ha, what an excellent belt loaded with prestige. Regal does more selling in his reaction to this than either wrestler did during the match. Can’t I just see Regal wrestle instead?

BACKSTAGE Scheme Gene has the Giant. He talks about how the nWo is all about mind games and how they want to get the Giant all crazy. But he’s aware of that so he’s composed. He’s the conductor. He’s in charge and he’s taking the tag titles tonight. Giant has to fight the Outsiders by himself because Lex Luger isn’t fit.

Diamond Dallas Page v Buff Bagwell

DDP is over, HUGE. That face turn really worked out for him. Who’d have thunk it? DDP is laid back so Buff spits on him. DDP bitchslaps him for it. They run some arm ringers and counters. Buff gets all cocky and has to hide in the ropes to get the ref to save him. That’s the ref, not his mother this time. I wouldn’t put it past Judy Bagwell to ring up WCW and ask them that little Marcus not get booed by all the nasty fans. DDP plants Buff with a nice swinging DDT. Buff bails out to save himself. DDP should have pinned rather than posing but the crowd popped it so there ya go. Dusty rambles incoherently on commentary. I know this isn’t news or anything but it’s just particularly bad on this show. Bagwell hits a sort of Diamond Cutter type thing that Tony can’t decide what to call either. Buff poses in lieu of covering. He sure loves himself/the camera don’t he? Buff stomps away and argues a count, which gets him rolled up. He shoves the ref who shoves him over. Buff begs off the referee. Ha. DDP takes advantage by punching Buff in the eye. Spinning lariat follows. SEE YA! DDP with a few jabs and he’s feeling the bang. Or something. Spiral bomb gets 2. Buff gets his elbow in DDP’s jaw and uses the ropes for 2. This match seems to be one guy misses something then the other guy rolls him up. Whole match is just that. DDP calls for the Cutta. Bagwell reverses into a backslide for 2. Bagwell with a fisherman suplex for 2. He pulls off the cover because he wants DDP counted out instead. Bagwell strolls around like he’s cock of the walk. Well, Buff Bagwell is cock of nothing! Bagwell goes for a neckbreaker but DDP counters right into the DIAMOND CUTTER. That leads to the nWo running out here and DDP bails through the crowd at 9.46. *. Match sucked but at least DDP is over. His ‘man of the people’ gimmick was really paying off.

US title – Eddie Guerrero (c) v Chris Jericho

Jericho is “one of the nicest young men WCW has ever let into the fold” according to Tony. They work the mat to start. Guerrero kicks it up a notch with a back suplex for 2. Rhodes and Heenan, as per usual, aren’t paying any attention to this. Lucha handheld stuff into a near falls sequence. Jericho with a stalling vertical suplex for 2. Spinebuster into the Liontamer from Jericho. Eddie slides out and twists out. Jericho racks him instead into a backbreaker for 2. Jericho springboards off the top buckle but Eddie moves. POWERBOMB with stink on it from Eddie for 2. BRAINBUSTER but he misses with the frog splash and Jericho RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEXES EDDIE HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING. Belly to belly gets 2. Eddie is dumped on the ropes and Jericho hits the springboard dropkick. Eddie outside – SPRINGBOARD SPLASH TO THE FLOOR from Jericho! Back inside and Eddie gets a backslide for 2. Spin kick/drop kick duel then a double clothesline. Eddie is up first but Jericho powerslams him for 2. Superkick into La Mahistral for 2. Eddie goes for a tornado DDT but Jericho counters into a Northern Lights for 2. Switches and counters into an Eddie sunset flip and that gets it done at 12.01. ***1/2. Never really got going to the level it could have reached, which was a shame because Jericho was hitting EVERYTHING. Crowd didn’t care btw but they would later.

Faces of Fear v Public Enemy v Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri

The Steiners were run out of this match when the nWo ran them off the road and videotaped it. I’m sure there are laws yanno but since when did they apply to wrestling? Hell, Steve Austin tried to kill Triple H and that just resulted in a match. Public Enemy are still here? Fuck’s sake. I can’t believe even WCW were stupid enough to retain them this long. The Faces have now lost Jimmy Hart. Not a big loss I’d suggest but a further example of how far they’ve been shunted down the card. Much like everyone else in this match. They all want to be tag champs but no they have no chance because WCW was no longer about tag teams and more about stars with the belts. Tonight would be a shining example. By the time tag teams got back into the tag title picture the tag titles didn’t mean shit. Some idiot lets Johnny Grunge take a heat segment. Yeah, let the fat one who can’t sell take the heat. Rocco comes around on the floor to argue with Sherri because that’s clearly the best use for HIM. Yanno, the one with spots the crowd like. Booker does the spinneroonie and gets a big pop for it. In fact Booker is getting big pops for pretty much everything. Grunge tags Meng in who promptly stomps him and then goes to work on Booker too. Meng with a dropkick that startles Tony for 2. Faces clubber Booker down. “Heavy clubberin” – Dusty. Barbarian with a superplex and now at least Booker is the guy doing all the selling but that eliminates all his funky kicks. Basically there should be less guys that suck in this match. Like half of them (I’m thinking Grunge, Barbarian and Stevie Ray would be good). Meng piledrives Booker for 2. Double flying headbutts from the Faces gets 2. Backdrop into a powerbomb and Barbarian had to muscle Booker up for it. That gets 2. Barbarian with a huge boot that sends Booker to the floor. Public Enemy charge on in there and double crossbody Barbarian for the pin at 7.41. I’d have to question the legality of that. One of the legal men was Booker T and he was lying on the floor outside the ring. 1/2*. Match sucked. And who thought putting Pubic fucking Enema over was a good idea? Tony reminds us this was not a #1 contenders match. So what was the point of it? None. Waste of time.

Steve McMichael w/Debra v Jeff Jarrett

If Jarrett wins he’s a Horseman. Tony points out if Jarrett wins will it become the five horsemen? Or is someone getting booted out? And more importantly because this is Jeff Jarrett – does anyone care? Tony puts over how pretty Debra is. She’s made out of plastic. Open your eyes. Recapping Mongo matches is compensating for some sin I committed in a previous life. Better than being retarded I guess, right Glenn Hoddle? Mongo hits a powerslam. “Oooh, that had to hurt”. He wipes out Jarrett’s leg, twice. Debra distracts Mongo to allow Jarrett to blindside him. She was chastising him for not keeping the bout in the ring apparently. Jeff cheats in the Shades of Wilbur Snyder and Debra waffles his hand off the ropes. Mongo is able to come back with a press slam but Debra demands he’s slammed in the ring not over the top. Mongo clotheslines him out the other side instead. Debra towels off Jarrett’s sweat but Mongo chokes him with the towel. This match is REALLY dragging even with the help of Debra. Yeah, I’m shocked – Debra can’t save a match with her ringside presence. Jarrett with a sleeper but Mongo reverses into his own. Jarrett back suplexes out. Yawn. Mongo punches away and hits a side slam for 2. Jarrett runs into a sidewalk slam for 2. Mongo sure likes his side slams. Jarrett signals to go up top. Crowd doesn’t give a shit. I mean TOTAL silence. Ref gets slightly bumped and Mongo calls for the briefcase. Debra is really slow throwing it in but eventually does but over Mongo’s head. Jarrett gets it and nails Mongo for the pin at 8.11. 1/4* I’m stunned they managed to have a worse match than the one directly before it, which was terrible. Debra winks at the camera. Harlot. I don’t see the point in pushing Jeff because he’ll only jump back to the WWF anyway. Of course they probably don’t know that but it’s Jeff Jarrett. I can’t believe he trusts himself. He’s that bad.

Kevin Sullivan w/Jacquelyn/Jimmy Hart v Chris Benoit w/Woman

Jacqui actually looks pretty attractive, which I really don’t remember. Compared to her WWF run where she just looked frightening. This is a San Francisco Death Match. Don’t know what that entails. Probably just the no holds barred etc. Woman goes after Jacqui and they’re strapped together and end up whipping each other with the strap. I would concentrate on Benoit v Sullivan but hey, two women tied together beating each other with straps! You can see why I’m distracted. Jacqui tries to get in there but Woman drags her off the apron. Sullivan hits a butterfly suplex and now the ladies come in too. CATFIGHT! Woman whips the hell out of Jacqui. Sullivan comes over to save her so Woman whips him too. Jacqui does the same to Benoit when he saves Woman. She’s lost her strap so Sullivan wraps it around Benoit’s neck and hangs him. The women end up wailing on the guys who are both down. Double clothesline with the strap. Dusty is laughing too much at this. Think he had a hand in booking it? Sullivan has seen enough of this and drags Benoit up the aisle for a brawl. The whipping is still marginally more popular so the guys brawl into the crowd for a few cheap thrills. They brawl around backstage and then head into the ring. Crowd fighting is good for the live crowd but terrible to watch. Woman starts wailing on Sullivan again. Benoit turns him around and hits a piledriver. Benoit pulls out a table. Remember ECW’s first PPV wasn’t long after this. The concept of tables wasn’t foreign to the audience. Sullivan gets laid out on the table. Jacqui covers him up so Benoit splashes them both and the table doesn’t budge. Benoit gets the lame pin at 8.33. 1/2*. Just an emotionless brawl. The Benoit-Sullivan thing was played out so they focused on the ladies and while they provided slight entertainment it wasn’t enough to keep the momentum going.

POST MATCH Arn Anderson is out here. Everyone is still down bar Woman. Paul Orndorff is out here to run off the officials so we can get some medical help. Terry Taylor in the ring. Not like they were going for the “worked shoot” thing here. Three stretcher jobs. Only Benoit’s is convincing. Jacqui didn’t move at all so I guess that’s something but Benoit was actively selling and still did a stretcher job, which is much harder. They end up getting loaded into ambulances. Crowd doesn’t really care because having three guys not moving just isn’t believable. They aimed too high.

Tag titles – The Outsiders (c) w/Syxx v The Giant/Lex Luger

Keep in mind that the Outsiders had already lost the titles once this year only to have Bischoff overrule that decision. Luger has a broken arm so isn’t cleared to wrestle. It’s almost like they’re telling us what screwjob they have in mind. Hall wins rock, paper & scissors to start. Luger still isn’t out here as we begin. Hall mocks the Giant suggesting he’s a little slow. Hall throws some knees but Giant throws him off. Pieface sends Hall back down. Is he drunk? He looks a fucking mess. Giant clubs away and hits a big slam. Nash is eyeballing the Giant. FEEL THE WORKRATE! In he comes. Nash clubs away. Giant clubs away. This is all very dull. DROPKICK! Giant with a dropkick. Nash sells it all the way to the floor. Syxx runs in there and clocks Giant in the back of the head with the cruiserweight belt. This is called on the dot by Fat Tony…”Syxx…”. That’s it. Brilliant work Mr Play By Play. I could tell exactly what was happening without looking at the screen. Hall with a diving bulldog for 2. Hall holds Giant in place for Nash to rope ride him. Crowd once again is bored. Hall tries punching at the Giant but keeps getting shoved over. Nash comes in and Giant boots him down. Crowd still doesn’t care. Syxx is back in with the cruiserweight belt but Giant grabs him and throws him on Nash. Hall has the belt and clubs Giant with it. Giant doesn’t go down so Nash calls for the Jack Knife. POWERBOMB! JACK KNIFE! Crowd is STUNNED. Nash is down with a bad back and here comes LEX LUGER. Eric Bischoff is out to stop him but Luger just swats him aside. Luger gets on the apron and calls for the tag. Giant tags him in and Luger cleans house with the cast. Oh, that’ll cost him. Nash gets racked and quits because his back is already bad at 8.53. Basically Bischoff’s objection when he stripped the new champs of the belts the next night was that Luger wasn’t cleared to wrestle. And he did Rack and submit Kevin Nash. Who was legal but Luger technically wasn’t because he wasn’t cleared to wrestle. Giant tries to prevent a screwjob by chokeslamming Hall for the second pin at 9.34. But Hall wasn’t legal and it’s too little too late. Bischoff is barely justified in that wacky booking decision but justified nonetheless. Match was nothing. Call it 1/2* again because we’re on a run.

WCW title – Hollywood Hulk Hogan (c) v Roddy Piper

Hogan cronies this evening – Vincent & Ted DiBiase. Piper looks like he lost a fight with a tramp on the way to the venue. He’s dirty, unshaven and sporting a ripped up t-shirt. Hogan takes a walk while the ref keeps Piper in the ring. Piper has seen enough and chases after Hogan beating him down in the aisle. Piper tries to rip out Hogan’s hair, pokes him in the eyes and then punches him in the groin. He then chokes him with his shirt and bites the bald head of the Hulkster. Hogan retorts by going low but Piper ignores it and goes after Hogan’s nose. This has been constant cheating thus far. Out comes Wallstreet but Piper lays him out. Vincent tries to get in but Piper lays him out too. Piper pokes Hogan in both eyes. His entire moveset appears to be cheating now. Hogan tries to work the bad leg but Piper has no interest in giving Hogan anything today so he pokes Hogan in the eyes again. Hogan gets dumped groin first on the ropes and Piper shakes them. Out comes Randy Savage and Sting. Ah, ok, need to get you up to date on that. Savage was dumped by WCW because the nWo kept kicking his ass so badly. So Savage decided to start hanging around with Sting in the rafters and whatnot. Almost creating a former WCW wrestlers purgatory inhabited by the duo. Savage seems more interested in this than Sting so he strolls down to ringside. Piper with a terrible double leg takedown so Hogan starts punching him. Sting has lost interest it seems and walks off. Hmm, ok. Hogan stomps away on Piper and rakes his back. Next he posts the back, then the knee. The leg is usually his target on Piper because of the hip operation but he’s all over the place here. Hogan starts shouting abuse at Savage who Tony suggests has been “blackballed” by Eric Bischoff who won’t let him work anywhere. Hogan works a really long grounded bearhug. This has gone on too long already. Hogan goes low again. SLEEPER! Piper just hooked that out of nowhere. Hogan gets taken down and he’s out. This match is over at 10.06. Don’t remember it that way? Ok, here comes the stupidity. Savage sticks Hogan’s legs under the rope and the referee suddenly thinks “hmm, his legs are under the ropes”. Even though he looked RIGHT FUCKING AT THE LEGS before ringing the bell. This is just incredibly dumb. He also manages to miss the completion of Savage’s heel turn as he slips Hogan some form of weapon, which he nails Piper with for the real pin at 10.54. Match sucked but the finish was inexcusable. Hello negative stars -*.

POST MATCH Savage beats Piper down and spray paints him with the colours. Flying Elbow adds injury to insult. Pair of big legs from Hogan too. DEVASTATING!

The 411: Two solid early matches with Malenko-Syxx and Guerrero-Jericho but the rest of the card is brutal. Hogan-Piper is remarkably bad and with the finish they tag on the end of it a contender for one of the worst matches of 1997 right out of the gate. Believe it or not they’d top that before the year was out. Oh yes, the famous “age in a cage” is still to come.
Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]