Opening Match: Demolition, The Bolsheviks, The Conquistadors, The Brainbusters & The Rougeau Brothers (w/Bobby Heenan, Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation, The Young Stallions, the Rockers, The British Bulldogs & the Powers of Pain.
The Bulldogs blitz the Conquistadors and Rougeaus early. The Rockers doubleteam Boris Zhukov. Arn and Marty do a nice sequence. The Rockers & Brainbusters were putting on an insane series of ****+ matches right around this time. Remind me to do that tape sometime. Unfortunately, we don't get the desired Dynamite Kid vs. Arn Anderson duel. Did those two teams ever go at it? This, btw, would be the last PPV appearance for the Dynamite Kid before the Bulldogs left for Japan and Dynamite's back deteriorated to the point where he's confined to a wheelchair. Bret tags in and small packages Jacques at 5:38. (Trivia Note: The Rougeaux had legitimate backstage heat with the Bulldogs, so Vince arranged for them to lose early and get the hell out of the locker room before Dynamite and Davey Boy could get at them. Apparently, Dynamite kicked the crap out of Jacques over a prank gone bad, so the Rougeuas attacked him with brass knuckles until Bad News Brown pulled them off. Dynamite wanted revenge in the "justifiable homicide" sort of way, but Vince warned him against it because the Rougeaus have ties to Canadian organized crime. Although I haven't heard anymore about it recently, the prank that started the whole thing was allegedly pulled by Curt Hennig anyway.)
The Barbarian finally tags in to a huge pop. Maybe turning them heel wasn't such a good idea. He no-sells some Conquistador offense. The Demos isolate Bret and throw the scraps to Tully. Shawn tags in and gets mugged in the heel corner. Arn busts out his SPINEBUSTER~! It only gets two, though. Marty gets the hot tag and cleans house on the Conquistadors. Warlord also gets a big pop for his entrance, and we get the inevitable Warlords versus Demolition matchup. Tully tags in and nearly gets his head taken off by Dynamite. Finally, Boris rolls through a Jimmy Powers crossbody and gets the pin at 15:35.
Tully tags in but wants none of the Barbarian. They try to isolate Barbie in the heel corner, but he fights out. The Rockers doubleteam Boris, and Marty eliminates him with a sunset flip at 18:19.
Now Marty gets caught in the wrong corner but gets out of trouble in a hurry. A Conquistador gets blitzed by the babyfaces, but Warlord hits him so hard with a headbutt that he staggers back into his own corner. Finally, Bret blocks the "Bret Bump" to the corner and slips over Tully's shoulder into a Bridging German Suplex. Tully rolls his shoulder up, though, and Bret winds up pinning himself at 27:08.
The Rockers and the Brainbusters get so pissed at each other that a brawl erupts, and both teams are disqualified at 28:49. The brawl continues all the way to the back.
The faces jump a Conquistador but can't put him away. Things kind of meander back and forth with no real storyline other than one guy gets caught in the wrong corner, and then another guy gets caught in the wrong corner. Dynamite hits a snap suplex on Smash but misses the diving headbutt and gets pinned at 36:19.
Warlord posts himself and gets pummeled. The Demos have things well in hand, but Fuji keeps hopping up on the apron to bark orders. Smash doesn't listen to him, and instead tries to finish off Warlord himself, so Fuji yanks down the ropes, spilling Smash to the outside. Smash can't recover in time, and the champs get counted out at 39:48. Fuji berates his guys, so they turn on him and leave him laying on the outside.
As if that's not weird enough, the Powers of Pain go over and help Fuji up, allowing him to stay in their corner. That may be the first ever benevolent heel turn. Fuji trips up a Conquistador, allowing Barbarian to finish with a headbutt at 42:24. After the match, Demolition return and brawl with the Powers of Pain. Epic opener that makes you remember the "good old days" when tag team wrestling was still alive. It slowed down quite a bit once the "wrestling" teams were eliminated, but the other 30 minutes were gold. ***3/4
The next two matches are all clipped to hell, but you should be able to find the full PPV intact on the DVDs if form holds.
The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, the Blue Blazer & Jim Brunzell vs. The Honky Tonk Man, Dangerous Danny Davis, Outlaw Ron Bass, Greg Valentine & Bad News Brown (w/Jimmy Hart).
Former tag partners Beefcake and Valentine start. Danny Davis tags in once Brutus is down, but Brutus reverses a whip and puts Davis out with a sleeper at 1:18. We're clipped to Brunzell and Brown trading blows. Brunzell misses a charge and posts his shoulder, making himself easy pickings for the Ghetto Blaster at 2:24. Clip ahead to Valentine and Bad News trying to doubleteam Sam Houston, but Houston ducks out of the way. Valentine clocks Bad News, prompting Bad News to take a walk at 3:28. We're clipped again to Houston and Bass going at it in a battle of JTTS. Bass reverses a monkey flip to a powerslam at 4:18. Blazer goes up for a splash on Valentine, but Honky pushes him off. Blazer lands on his knees, making him an easy victim of the figure-four at 5:11. Brutus and Honky trade blows on the outside for the DCOR at 6:08. That leaves Warrior alone with Bass and Valentine in a two-on-one. They doubleteam him, for a bit, but he comes back with a flying clothesline. Warrior finishes Bass with a double ax-handle at 7:48. Another one eliminates Valentine at 8:11 (shown). [**]
Bad News Brown explains he doesn't depend on anyone. He doesn't need friends. He just wants to get his hands on Randy Savage.
Gene Okerlund says Bad News may have a bad attitude, but the Ultimate Warrior has a great attitude. Won't hear that one today…except maybe from Fred Phelps.
Jake Roberts, Jim Duggan, Ken Patera, Tito Santana & Scott Casey vs. Dino Bravo, Andre the Giant Rick Rude, "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig & Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan & Frenchie Martin).
We JIP to Patera slamming Rude for two. Rude comes back with the Rude Awakening at 0:32. Scott Casey charges and winds up in the evil corner. Harley Race actually hits a dropkick(!) on Casey. Casey, who is a JTTS at best, backsides Bravo but runs right into the sideslam at 1:37. Tito slips over a Bravo charge and nearly gets the pin. Race tags in and piledrives Santana for two. Race hits an ugly clothesline for two and goes for another one, but Tito ducks underneath and hits the Flying Forearm at 2:32. Andre jumps Tito right away. No idea why they didn't clip this. Andre squats down on Tito for the pin at 4:06. Duggan ties up Andre in the ropes to a big pop, and the two remaining faces take turns beating him and choking him. Andre gets himself untied, but we're clipped to Duggan and Bravo brawling. Duggan sets up for the 3-Point Charge, but Frenchie Martin trips him up. Duggan grabs his 2x4 and wallops Bravo with it for the DQ at 6:50. That leaves Jake in a four-on-one, prompting Jesse to advise him to head to the dressing room and call it a night. Rude hits his fistdrop but stops to pose. Jake yanks down his tights and hits the DDT at 8:07. Andre, who was feuding with Jake because he was afraid of snakes, tries to choke Jake to death, drawing the DQ at 9:02. But Jake is out, so Hennig runs in and pushes him over for the win at 9:24. Another big clipjob. [**]
Andre gloats and denies he's afraid of snakes.
Jake says he won't cry about it. He and Damien will take care of business.
Main Event: Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim, Hercules & Koko B. Ware (w/Elizabeth) vs. The Big Bossman, Akeem, King Haku, the Red Rooster & Ted Dibiase (w/Slick, Virgil & Bobby Heenan).
Ted Dibiase's stock was falling considerably. Over the past year, he went from title contender against Hogan to title contender against Savage to getting screwed on a Hercules purchase. Mach and Dibiase come out at each other at full speed. Macho tags Hercules in, sending Dibiase right out of there to tag the Rooster. Rooster and Koko were having a little jobber feud at this point, so they go at it for a bit. Basically, this is all just a warming up period for everyone to get in and get some heat. Interesting note: 4 of the 5 guys on the heel team are former UWF/Mid-South Heavyweight Champions. Koko fakes Rooster out and hits a missile dropkick for two. Hogan plants Rooster for Savage who finishes Rooster off with a flying elbow at 6:13. Heenan berates the Rooster to set up their meltdown a month later.
Haku catches Hogan with a dropkick. Hogan decides that's enough selling against a mid-carder and hits him with a corner clothesline. Herc tags in and lays the lumber. Hillbilly comes in and does his one good move: a headscissors with a clubbing leg. He gets caught by Akeem, though, and finished with a splash at 9:53.
All the faces team up on Akeem, but they can't get him down. Koko comes in. Yeah, I'm sure that'll do it. Koko misses an avalanche and gets Bossman Slammed at 11:45.
Hogan comes in and gets him some because Bossman had assaulted him to start their little mini-feud. Bossman staggers, but he comes back with a spinebuster and tags Akeem. Dibiase comes in and goes into super seller mode. ALL MOVES MUST GO! Virgil trips up Hercules, though, distracting him long enough for Dibiase to roll "his slave" up for the elimination at 16:35.
Hercules attack Virgil, and that distracts Dibiase, so Macho slips in and schoolboys him for another elimination at 17:57.
Haku catches Hogan with a kick, and the heels cut him off in their corner. Hogan fights his way out of a Trapezes Hold but takes a Bossman Slam. Bossman doesn't cover, though, opting instead for a top rope splash. Hogan avoids, of course, and makes the tag to Savage. Savage destroys the heels but gets tripped up by Slick. Slick makes the mistake of assaulting Elizabeth. Hogan makes the save, but the Bossman and Akeem attack him from behind and handcuff him to the bottom rope. Bossman gets counted out in all the action. (23:25)
Bossman isn't done, though. He chokes Hogan out with the nightstick. The ref gets distracted by Heenan, so Bossman BLASTS Savage with the stick. Akeem and Bossman go to work, getting Akeem disqualified at 25:00. That's pretty dissatisfying, but how else do you get the Twin Towers out without giving away a big blow off?
Haku jumps Savage and destroys him as Slick starts to taunt Hogan with the keys. Savage avoids a Haku dropkick, but there's no Hogan to tag. Haku accidentally nails Slick, allowing Elizabeth to go over and steal the key. HOGAN IS FREE! Haku hits a nice splash off the top, but Macho kicks out. Haku thrust kicks Savage into the corner. Hogan tags Macho's back and finishes Haku with the legdrop at 29:09. Macho and Hogan are your sole survivors (which doesn't make sense from a grammatical standpoint). Hogan hugs Elizabeth, creating some of the problems that would plague the MegaPowers until their breakup. Way too much protecting guys here to be entertaining. *3/4
The 411: The tag team opener is really the only match that's worthwhile because of the history, and because it's the only good match on the card. The mid-card matches are hard to judge because of the clipping, but given the talent involved and what was left in, I'd say those ratings are a pretty good estimate of the action. The main event planted the seeds for the Megapowers split, but with everyone in the match trying not to look bad, it just produced a series of horrible finishes.