RB Report: CHIKARA New Star Navigation

Posted by R.Brooksbank on 03.08.2008

It's the CHIKARA rookies vs. the veterans!

CHIKARA New Star Navigation
October 27, 2007
Barnesville, PA


*This show has a veterans vs. rookies theme to it.

*The show starts with a very demonic looking Ed O'Mac. He introduces the veterans: Icarus, Brodie Lee, Dragon Yuki, Crossbones, Chuck Taylor, an angry-looking Mitch Ryder, and finally, the new tag team champions Delirious and Hallowicked. They all pick numbers out a hat to see who gets first choice. Each of the veterans gets to pick who they fight. Crossbones gets first.


*WHACKY BIZARRO-WORLD PARTNERS!
Ultramantis Black and Shane Storm vs. Hydra and Jigsaw
Usually, Hydra and UMB are partners, while Storm and Jigsaw are partners. The "roided-up" Hydra coming out to 'Rehab', wagging his finger along to the lyrics and dancing is quite possibly the funniest thing ever. Mantis whispers something in his ear. They both stand behind their partners and roll them up as soon as the bell goes, but that goes nowhere. Storm and Hydra start out. Hydra's monstrous strength gets him nowhere. He can't even sweep Storm's leg. Mantis gets tagged in, but he can't seem to bring himself to really hurt his little buddy. "Hydra who are we fooling?" They both then try to cheapshot each other. Five times. They hug, but Mantis sweeps the legs of Hydra. That was TREMENDOUS! LUCHA out of Hydra. Mantis is mad at his apprentice and this makes Hydra sad. They do the FINGERPOKE OF DOOM~! Jigsaw refuses to let the match end like that and throws Hydra onto the apron. Mantis cannot compete with Jigsaw's speed and bails. Storm cuts off his usual partner from making a dive. Hydra and Storm go at it again. Everyone brawls lots. Mantis busts out a MICHINOKU DRIVER on Jigsaw. Jigsaw superkicks Storm HARD and covers him to get the win(6:34). DISSENTION~! Jigsaw leaves quickly. Hydra gets berated by his mentor. He celebrates behind Mantis' back, and tells the fans to not acknowledge it. Classic.

Rating: **. Not much of a match, but it was TERRIFIC fun. The Mantis-Hydra sections deserve a billion stars.


*Crossbones is going to squash Soldier Ant like the ant that he is.


*Crossbones vs. Soldier Ant
Soldier tries to hit his bullet tope out to the heavyweight Crossbones, but he doesn't even budge. Christ. Crossbones beats the crap out of him on the outside with his trademark kicks. The beating continues on the inside of the ring. Crossbones hits a sickening backbreaker variation. He chokes the ant. That son of a bitch. Traditional backbreaker is followed up by a camel clutch. Soldier shows resilience by not giving up after many slams from Crossbones. ARE YOU WATCHING, AUSTIN ARIES?! Get Soldier Ant in your pussy faction. Soldier finally gets a bit of offense, hitting a chinbreaker. He sends Crossbones to the outside and hits an antenna-first tope! Back in, a big roundhouse kick quickly sedates Soldier Ant. Somehow, he manages to hit an ace crusher out of nowhere and hits a saluting headbutt for the victory(6:55)!

Rating: 1/2*. I know it's just a filler exhibition match and I shouldn't analyse it too much, but Soldier Ant no-selling a six-minute beating including a vicious kick to the back of head and then leaping off the top rope with a flying headbutt and getting the victory after getting on pretty much no offense the entire match irked me a little.


*Icarus vs. Tim Donst
Icarus is an ASSHOLE. I want to punch him square in the jaw. I guess he does his job then. He challenges Timothy Donst to a little amateur wrestling competition. Donst's new USA singlet is a thing of beauty. Tim Donst is America. Donst quickly takes Icarus to the mat with a throw and owns him. Icarus wants another shot, so he gets on his hands and knees for Donst. Donst rolls him onto his shoulders and gets two. Donst continues with the wrestling slams. Icarus challenges him again, this time with him going on top. Donst still controls. Icarus has had enough and slaps him. He pounds him down. He pulls down the singlet of Donst and chops him hard. The beating continues after a fisherman's suplex. Donst locks in a body scissor and the action spills to the outside. Icarus refuses to let himself be shown up by the rookie and continues to beat him down with strikes. Icarus whips him into the wall and it BREAKS! HRDCUR~! Donst grabs a bail of hay from the door and hits Icarus with it. OMG! A SHOT TO THE HEAD WITH THE BAIL OF HAY! Icarus must be out! They go toe-to-toe in the centre of the ring. Donst gets almost KTFO from a headbutt. Icarus whips Donst with his own headgear. Why isn't he getting DQ'd? Donst hits a twisting facebuster and gets two. DISGUSTING lungblower by Icarus gets two. Donst locks in the CHIKARA SPECIAL! ICARUS TAPS(10:55)! UPSET~!

Rating: **. I'm genuinely surprised at the outcome. Donst is quickly becoming one of my favourite CHIKARA guys. The match itself was decent, Donst sure knows how to work his comebacks. Plus, come on, a bail of hay was used and Donst was thrown through a wall, what more do you want?


*Brodie Lee vs. Worker Ant
Worker Ant along with his partners Soldier and Fire Ant have been forming somewhat of a rivalry lately with Lee and his buddies the Olsen Twins. Lee attempts his trademark big boot before the bell, but referee PJ Drummond sees it. He manages to hit it and almost decapitate Solider just after the match officially starts. Lee uses a lot of his big-man offense and the fans get behind Worker quickly. It does nothing for him as Lee throws him across the ring by the neck. Pumphandle-gutbuster into an exploder by Lee. An antziguri sends Lee to the outside. Worker follows with a springboard somersault senton to the outside. Back in, Worker uses more of his flippy-dos to control. Lee hits the big boot again out of nowhere and finishes with the Ligerbomb(2:56). That was quick.

Rating: 1/2*. Not much to say really. Nice big vs. small dynamic here and these guys are always entertaining.


*The Osirian Portal (Ophidian and Amasis) vs. CHIKARA Los Campeonatos de Parejas, Incoherence (Hallowicked and Delirious)
This is obviously a non-title match as you need three straight wins to get a title shot in CHIKARA. Incoherence won the titles at the last show from Icarus and Chuck Taylor. The Osirian Portal are coming off a loss against Cheech and Cloudy and a win over Jigsaw and Shane Storm in their first match as a unit. Jigsaw is on commentary for this match and it's an instant bad idea as I can barely understand anything he says through his mask. Amasis and Wicked start. Amasis makes a mistake and stalls. He tries to dance, but Wicked trips him. Amasis runs blindly into the turnbuckle and Flair flops. Lucha pop sends Amasis about twelve feet into the air. Snap mare from the top rope and a pinning combo gets two. Delirious and Ophidian in. Lizard vs. Snake. They slither around the ring for a while before doing some basic stuff. Hallowicked gets in and he and Delirious take turns striking Ophidian. They use some of the double-teams that helped them greatly against FIST the previous night. Ophidian capitalises on a Delirious mistake and he and Amasis methodically wear him down. Amasis dives into a headbutt from Delirious and that allows Delirious to tag out. Hallowicked takes out both and the Riodine bomb gets a two on Ophidian. The Osirian Portal take control again and they hit some real nifty double-teams. Incoherence toss both of their opponents into Go 2 Sleepy Hollows. Ophidian lands on his head hitting a 'rana on Delirious. The Portal get a near-fall on Delirious and Ophidian is killed with a Yakuza from Hallowicked. Shadows Over Hell only gets two on Amasis, but Hallowicked finishes him with the Graveyard Smash(12:27)!

Rating: **1/2. Basic match. Nothing much of note happened except a ton of cool double-team moves and a quite exciting finish.


*CHIKARA Young Lions Cup
Chuck Taylor (c) vs. Helios
This is the debut of Helios. He comes out to a song which has the intro of 'Here Comes the Sun' by the Beatles but then goes into some Pantera song that I can't remember the name of. I think it's either 'Cowboys From Hell' or 'Mouth For War'. Awesome. He wears a mask and a black, red and yellow outfit. Hey, wait a second, he looks quite a lot like Ricochet. Taylor ran Ricochet out of CHIKARA in a Loser Leaves CHIKARA match a couple months back. That dastardly black-Irishman! Anyway, he quickly runs out and attacks Chuck. Helios misses a dive and Taylor takes advantage. Taylor is ANGRY at the deceptive Helios. "THIS IS RICOCHET!" Taylor busts out the LUCHA! I thought this was a NO FLIP ZONE?! "Hey, Ricochet does that counter, too." - Bryce. "I WONDER WHY?!" - Chuck. Fantastic. Helios blocks Sole Food and a backslide driver lays Taylor out. He doesn't follow up on a satelite headscissors and Chuck nails a overhead belly-to-belly. A big kick to the face isn't enough to put Helios away. The Awful Waffle is blocked. Chuck takes it to the top rope and hits a 'rana off of it. Awful Waffle is blocked again and Helios hits the CHOCOLATE RAIN~! Quack informs is that it's now being called the Sky Is Falling, but I'll be damned if I'm going to call it anything other than Chocolate Rain! Helios follows it up with a standing SSP and he manages to get his first CHIKARA win over Chuck Taylor AND the YLC(6:04)!

Rating: **1/2. These two always have good matches together. While it wasn't as good as other matches they've had together - probably due to the short amount of time it had - it was still a good, solid match. The whole angle surrounding this thing is great.


*Dragon Yuki vs. Fire Ant
Yuki had a decent showing in a loss against Jigsaw the previous night. Like Crossbones-Solder Ant earlier in the night, Fire has to use his speed to be able to take Yuki down. Big somersault to the outside by Fire Ant. Back in the ring, Yuki utilises his impressive strength to control Fire Ant. Yuki's leg seems to be fine after all the work Jigsaw done on it just the night before. Brainbuster by Yuki gets two. Fire Ant manages to get his feet on the ropes after Yuki locks in a Dragon Sleeper. Yuki decides to go to the top rope, but that just allows Fire Ant to jump up and slam him off. Frog splash gets two on Yuki. ROCK BOTTOM by Yuki! He decides to not try and cover after a Michinoku Driver and instead misses a moonsault. Prawn hold finishes for Fire Ant(5:14).

Rating: *. Competent match. I would've liked to see Yuki sell some of the leg-work from the previous night, but I guess I'm being too picky. Also, things like hitting a MICHINOKU F'N DRIVER and not following it up with a pin-attempt really annoy me.


*"Sweet 'n' Sour" Larry Sweeney vs. Claudio Castagnoli
Sweeney is sporting the brand-new ICW/ICWA Tex-Arkana Television championship. Sweeney seems scared of getting in the ring with the big Swiss-man. PANSY! Larry Sweeney and Chris Hero are the only two men I know who can make stalling fun. Claudio grabs him by the hair and drags him in the ring. Sweeney stalls some more. He makes Claudio angry with a cheap shot. You will NOT like Claudio when he's angry. He lays down a vicious beating on super-agent Larry Sweeney. Sweeney dumps Claudio on his face when he goes for a headscissors. Prick. Sweeney pounds him down with punches and elbows. THE SWEENEY STOMP! Claudio stops it, but eats a knee. DiBiase fist drops by Sweeney. Claudio sure is taking a beating here. Chinlock. Pump kick out of nowhere from Claudio and he puts Sweeney in the giant swing. Spinning facebuster by Claudio only gets two when Sweeney brings his shoulder off of the canvas at the last second. Sweeney tries to win with a backslide, complete with feet on ropes, but only gets two. SPINEBUSTER by Sweeney. He's feeling confident. He blocks the uppercut, '68 COMEBACK SPECIAL! Vintage Sweeney! That only gets two! Claudio nails an uppercut and the RICOLA finishes(10:13)! Claudio informs us that Chris Hero is next.

Rating: ***1/4. Damn good match. I really wish Sweeney would wrestle more often, because he's just great. His antics were phenomenal and I actually marked out for the '68 Comeback Special!


*The Olsen Twins (Jimmy and Colin Olsen) vs. Up In Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy)
Colin is, as you probably know by now, everyone's favourite jobber Colin Delaney. This is a rematch of the amazing match they had at Cibernetico that truly made the Olsens stars in CHIKARA. Let's hope for some more COLUCHA~! Olsens attack before the bell. Fucking dicks. They, like the pussys they are, instantly isolate the near-midget Cloudy. Cheech puts a stop to that and makes the Olsens look like the fools they are. Colin gets double-teamed for a while. Jimmy and Cheech go at it. Colin helps Jimmy get the advantage and he gets in himself. Cheech is getting balder every time I see him. No wonder he always wears a bandana. The Olsens take turns working him over, concentrating on his neck and upper back. Sick enziguri/flatliner combo from the Olsens. Cheech hits a Busaiku knee on Jimmy, but Colin doesn't give him time to tag out. Cheech quickly dives out of the ring, which in Lucha rules counts as a tag. Cloudy takes them both out. Cheech and Cloudy break out some awesome double-teams. They do a really, really great spot that I can't describe. It just has to be seen. Jimmy hits a kinda reverse-Yoshi Tonic/Code Red on Cloudy. Jesus fucking Christ. Colin SPIKES Cheech with a 'rana but only gets two. DRAGON SUPLEX from Jimmy on Cheech also only gets two. Cloudy comes off the top with a sunset flip to Jimmy and gets the victory(11:32)! With that win, Up In Smoke get their third straight victory and will challenge new champions Incoherence for the belts.

Rating: ***1/2. Another GREAT match from these two teams. They tried to go for a more traditional match here, rather than the flat-out spectacular spots of their Cibernetico match, but that doesn't take anything away from the match. The double-teams in the finishing stretch were tremendous.


*Mitch Ryder is going to put an end to Lindsay Dorito tonight. Ryder is seriously probably my favourite guy in CHIKARA right now. Well, after Quack.


*"Marvellous" Mitch Ryder vs. "The Golden Lynx" Lince Dorado
Lince runs down to the ring and brings the fight to Ryder. This is a classic battle of the high-flying tecnico and the dirty, cheating, brawling rudo. Ryder quickly bails after a punch and runs away from the young Dorado. He catches him with a kick and a clothesline when they get back in. Ryder pounds him down and Lince misses a high-risk move in the corner. Lince lands a clothesline and both men are feeling the effects. Fast flurry of shots from Lince. He whips Ryder off, telegraphs the back body drop and Ryder beats him down. Lince counters the piledriver and body drops Ryder. Lince rolls him up and it's over(6:32).

Ryder calls Lince's victory a fluke and says he wants his mask. Lince comes back with "If you want my mask, I want your hair," in a very American accent. Leonard F. Chikarason books the match for the final CHIKARA show of the year - well, it was supposed to be anyway - at the ECW Arena.

Rating: **. A six minute main event? Come on. Match was decent, Ryder beating people up is always fun.

The 411: Very underwhelming show, I think the total in-ring action lasted less than an hour and a half, probably just a bit more than an hour. Some really good matches, but, yeah, I can't recommend this one.

Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]