The Furious Flashbacks – IWA-MS Sweet Science Sixteen 2000

Posted by Arnold Furious on 03.23.2008

Come see the humble beginnings of the TPI

The Furious Flashbacks – IWA-MS Sweet Science Sixteen 2000

Come see the humble beginnings of the TPI

Better known nowadays as the Ted Petty Invitational. IWA-MS are one of several Indy promotions who run a yearly tournament. Other tournaments include PWG’s Battle of Los Angeles, CZW’s Best of the Best and ECWA’s Super 8. The Super 8 started in 1997. By 2000 it had gained quite the reputation for excellent one on one matches. Seeing the success of that tournament and admiring other tournaments (King of the Ring, Super J Cup, G-1 Climax) Ian Rotten decided to have his own tournaments. Plural as they also ran their own deathmatches tournament. Because IWA-MS runs so many shows they felt they had room on their yearly schedule for two tournaments. Sweet Science being their more wrestling based while the Deathmatches tournament naturally contained more violent fare.

September 8th 2000. We’re in Charlestown, Indiana. They’re outside and it’s raining. The crowd, if I had to estimate, is about 30 people.

Breyer Wellington v American Kickboxer

Not the most auspicious starts to a popular tournament. No crowd, no commentary and two distinctly mediocre wrestlers. Don’t get me wrong; they’re not bad for Indy workers but any crowd that has to sit outside in the rain deserves better as an opening match. They run a lot of RVD-esque stuff. Which I guess was in vogue at the time. The stalling is particularly irritating. Breyer spends most of his time berating the crowd while Kickboxer tries to get them to clap him. There’s one very vocal woman shouting encouragement to Kickboxer. Everyone else just shouts “wooo” at the high spots. Which there are few because the weather conditions prevent anything exciting from happening. They also blow armdrags and dropkicks. Again, it could be the poor conditions. But blame that on the organisers of the event booking an outdoor show in September. Kickboxer has to be helped up into a powerbomb, which gets 2. Fisherman suplex gets 2. Breyer has a decent heel act albeit very predictable. Michinoku Driver gets 2. They’ve gone from chaining to just hitting spots. The match is very uneven. And littered with stalling, which hurts the psychology something fierce. Kickboxer comes back with a tornado DDT and gets some revenge stamping before punching Breyer in the balls. DQ? Apparently there are no DQ’s in IWA-MS as I’ve never seen one. Breyer misses a 2nd rope moonsault. They make a hash of the setup for a DVD and Kickboxer sort of falls off the top for the pin. 1/2*. Lousy and extremely amateurish match. I’d presume they’re both very inexperienced.

POST MATCH “This is my fucking tournament” sayeth Kickboxer.

Colt Cabana v Chris Hero

Dave Prazak is out here managing Cabana who looks about 12 years old. Cabana has a cocky heel deal going on, which he’s quite good at. He shows a lot of promise. Hero is remarkably bland compared to his later more varied stylings. Both of them are green and really sloppy in the opening exchanges. Hero bails out in an awkward spot. Ok, forget what the next spot was? Next he manages a horrible missed dropkick where he just claps his hands. It’s ugly. He manages to connect with a spinkick. I think the conditions are making these matches hard work. Which again is the fault of the promoter not the wrestlers. They trade on some chops with Cabana ridiculous in his overselling. Hero with a blown jawbreaker. I don’t think they’ve actually hit anything clean yet but that was the ugliest move so far. Cabana with a super rana where Hero holds on but that’s blown too. Hero manages to connect on a flipping neckbreaker before they make a hash of a hip toss too. Hero with a Rydien bomb for 2. He’s just starting to find his rhythm. Savage elbow gets 2. They run some slightly improved counters before Hero finishes with the Hero’s Welcome. ½*. Wow was that ever bad. Hero looked painfully bad until he adjusted to conditions out there. Cabana just looked downright inexperienced. Seeing as he debuted in 1999 that’s not really a shock.

Orion v Hy-Zaya

Zaya has a big fat bald white guy in dungarees in his corner called Uncle Honky. If the guys in the other matches came off as inexperienced its nothing on these two. They make a total mess of the entire first 2 minutes of the match. Zaya the worst culprit taking a bump off a dropkick on his head because he can’t flip bump right. Orion goes for an ill advised suicide dive and nearly lands on his head on the floor. Zaya manages a tame looking spear for 2. Can’t we just end this? This is another IWA issue where they’d give totally inexperienced wrestlers loads of time just to see what would happen. This is like watching trainees wrestle, which really isn’t my bag. Crowd amuse themselves by shouting abuse at Uncle Honky. His crowd interaction and cheating on behalf of Zaya is the only thing of interest in this bout. Zaya has the bonus of being able to chop, which is his only good in ring skill. He’s reversed by Orion who can’t chop for shit. Zaya with a messy spin kick that Orion has to slow down to get caught by. On a related note to how bad this match is; the names are dreadful too. Hy-Zaya? Orion? Uncle Honky? Good job we’re in a bush league or I’d accuse this company of being bush league. This is not the advertised “sweet” science. Hy-Zaya has now taken to blowing clotheslines. END THIS SHIT MATCH NOW! Zaya works a chinlock for ages while Honky argues with the fans. Orion should finish with a quebrada but Zaya kicks out. JUST FINISH IT! It stopped being good when you started wrestling. Orion shows off a tidy frogsplash, which gets 2. Oh COME ON! Just take the loss dude. Zaya pops back up to botch a powerbomb. Swanton misses. Zaya loses points for doing the Hardy pose while he was up there. TEN MINUTES gone in this one now. Orion drops the yodelling legdrop for 2. What the fuck man? Hardy Boyz tributes? Savage elbow misses. By the end of this match they’ll have killed every top rope move in the business. Zaya, the HEEL mind you, scores the win with a slingshot senton. Which he barely hit. DUD. And I’m being generous because these are rookie Indy guys. Put this match on in the WWE and it’s easily -*****.

Ace Steel v Shark Boy

SHOOT THE FIN! Steel stalls acting cocky. He’s still the closest thing to a wrestler we’ve had on this show so far. Sharky is kinda fun. He’s the loveable babyface. Steel poses a lot and does some push up’s. Steel even works a body part focusing on the arm before Sharky reverses it. Steel has a nice armdrag too. Although to be fair it doesn’t take much to stand out on this show. How’d they even pay everyone for taking part? Sharky brings the comedy by biting Ace on the ass. He bails to sell it thoroughly. Steel bails to argue with the fans. Sharky chases him provoking a great “run, Forest, run” yell from one of the wiseass locals in attendance. Sharky bites the fingers! The ref asks the fans if he was biting and they say he wasn’t. Erm, heel fans? As for the ref; tuck your shirt in and have some pride in your appearance. Slacker. The wrestling in this match is significantly better than all the other matches so far combined. Which is worrying. Ace pops off a nice suplex but misses with the diving headbutt. They somewhat swat at each other with clotheslines before Sharky hits a DDT for 2. Worrying that the crowd is disinterested in the action for the most part when it’s been the most entertaining match thus far. Sharky with the mounted corner punches and Ace gets bitten again. Super rana gets 2. It might be that the ring has dried out a bit since it stopped raining but this action is a huge improvement. Ace goes up top but Sharky dropkicks the rope leaving him crotched. Sharky looks for another super rana but Ace just blocks it right into a superbomb for the win. **1/4. Compared to the rest of this tournament so far this was Flair-Steamboat.

BJ Whitmer v Chip Fairway

BJ is almost unrecognisable here. He’s the #14 seed, which shows how little the company think of him. He has short hair and a crap beard. Not to mention a vest and shiny red pants. But out comes DEAN BALDWIN with his sparkly red referee’s shirt to call this one RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. Chip has a distinct lack of golfing gimmick this evening sporting a t-shirt that wouldn’t be allowed on any course I know of. Baldwin is somewhat favouring Fairway as they used to be running buddies. They try and keep this basic with an assortment of arm ringers. Counter wrestling becomes considerably less entertaining when it’s just arm to arm to arm to arm to arm. BJ with a sloppy German suplex that gets a slow 2 count. BJ shows promise here but he’s too inexperienced to provide much in the way of entertainment. So Dean Baldwin’s shenanigans take over somewhat. BJ breaks out a frogsplash. We’re really in RVD worship territory for Indy workers in 2000 eh? BJ with a missile dropkick. That count is getting slower. BJ shows his lack of attitude by not complaining. Dean flat out drop toeholds BJ to set up Chip hitting the quebrada but despite how fast the count was BJ still kicks out. The crowd aren’t helping here shouting encouragement to everyone bar BJ. Chip uses the ropes on a pin, which Dean chooses to ignore. This is why IWA probably isn’t the best place to run a scientific wrestling tournament. Dean steps on BJ’s throat to help Chip set up a leg jam. Why isn’t BJ fighting back? It makes him look like a pussy. I do like Dean doing the golf clap after Chip hits a move. Unfortunately the gimmick of the match has dragged on a little. Chip misses off the top because he spends way too long shouting “hole in one” before coming off. BJ gets his comeback that the crowd give approximately a quarter of a shit about. They do some horrible “tag team” spots that expose Baldwin as entirely incapable as a wrestler. Before the Boston crab finishes with Baldwin shoving the rope away for comedic effect. *1/2. The comedy bits were funny for a while but the match dragged and the bits with Baldwin “wrestling” were embarrassing.

Gavin Starr v Harry Palmer

Starr looks like a 12 year old girl (or Shannon Moore’s younger prettier sister if you’d rather). Palmer is an IWA guy and doesn’t look much like a wrestler. I believe he has some sort of offbeat homosexual gimmick, which is good for him because Gavin is so purdy. I immediately anticipate a bad match. The opening exchange shows that Starr has basic flippy babyface stuff down. He still looks like a 12 year old girl though. So I really want to see him get beaten up. They do some really loose chaining before Starr goes back to his usual stuff. Palmer was accompanied out here by his “lover”, which is another t-shirt wearing fat boy whose only contribution so far is offering Palmer a bite of his Twix. Live the gimmick man. As if wrestling wasn’t gay enough I have to watch this match. Starr takes his sweet time over a senton to the floor, which he just about lands without breaking something. I’d question the sanity of doing moves like that. Especially in front of 30 people who clearly don’t give a crap if you get hurt or not. They popped the armdrags the same amount. The first 5 minutes contain pretty much nothing whatsoever. They run a moonsault block spot where Starr does the flip before Palmer is looking, which actually creates a great looking impact. Although I’m sure Harry isn’t too thrilled about taking that knee in the face. Palmer takes to throwing Starr around in between berating the ugly pot smoking fans. Starr gets all fired up, which counts for squat because Palmer can’t sell. Palmer’s fat “valet” starts hurtling abuse at the referee for slow counts, ironically his weight issues and being a “motherfucker”. I certainly don’t regret the decision to review this show…as we hit TEN MINUTES. How long do they need to have one guy flip around a bit and the other guy pretend badly to be a queer? 2 minutes tops. Starr looks like he has potential. Probably to work as a jobber where he could get beaten up and hit a few moves off the top in the process before taking someone else’s finisher. Case in point; Palmer bodybags him out of nowhere for the pin at 12.03. Yeah, you heard. ¼*. 12 minutes. I mean, really? Harry Palmer looked like he’d never wrestled a match before. Starr maybe 3 or 4.

POST MATCH Another guy with a gay gimmick comes out here. BITCHFIGHT! Not to mention CM Punk running in, grabbing the mic and insisting he’s going to kick “this little fairies ass”. The gay in question tries to get a “homophobe” chant going. No dice.

CM Punk v Paul E. Smooth w/Dave Prazak

Smooth’s gimmick is a mesh of Paul E. Dangerously, “Dancin” Stevie Richards and a gay teenage Blue Meanie. Punk has really short hair, which is bleached blonde. He already has bags of charisma so comes off as a star despite his lack of muscle structure or even gimmick. The only really Punk-ish trait being his Pepsi tattoo. He looks really green. Much like everyone else on this show. Punk gets thrown outside and Smooth hits a plancha. They fuck up a chair shot/dodge deal. Broncobuster from Smooth. “He got a hot dog” – fan. Ah yes, the forced deep throat action. Punk is far more reliant on the ropes than his later wrestling incarnations and hits a middle rope moonsault for 2. They head up top again with Smooth getting the sunset flip powerbomb for 2. Punk is far more willing than the other performers tonight to actually sell instead of trying to rush all his trademark stuff into the match. This calmness sets him apart. It also makes Smooth look better than he actually is. Smooth should win with the Unprettier but Punk is under the ropes thanks to Smooth not getting good ring positioning. Punk EPICLY fucks up the split legged moonsault to finish. I mean EPIC fuck up. He landed sideways and on his head. Which isn’t ideal for the moonsault landing. ½*. Aside from Punk totally fucking up the finish he looked the most able of the competitors to this point. But of course he’s made the biggest mistake.

Super Hentai v Suicide Kid

Suicide Kid is the most over guy on the entire show. Not that he gets much of a reaction from the tiny crowd. Hentai is supposedly from Japan but I figure it’s just a trainee under a mask. He has a decent physique for this company though. Suicide Kid opts for the old t-shirt approach. Before people bitch at me about this, as I don’t exactly have a sterling physique myself, I’d like to point out these people want to be in the ring in front of people. If that’s the case then either work on the physique or be incredibly talented like Mick Foley. There’s no middle ground success story for slobs. Either put the work in or get the fuck out. The first five minutes of this match is less than nothing. Crowd singing the “Oompa Lumpa” song at the vertically challenged Super Hentai aside. He manages a decent super rana and then a cracking forearm smash. About damn time someone brought the striking! I loves me some striking. In fact I’d go as far to say that from that one running forearm that Super Hentai is my favourite guy in this tournament. A little competence can go a long way. Kid does nothing for me here. Even lying around adjusting his clothing while waiting for a top rope splash to hit him. At least TRY to suspend their disbelief dude. We get a slugfest, which is ruined by Kid’s inability to throw anything realistic looking. Kid makes me dislike him even more by lifting Konnan’s forward roll clothesline. Kid misses a backflip senton. He would have actually missed it had Hentai been where he was before too. Which isn’t good. They go for a near falls sequence, which is a bit sloppy. Well, Hentai isn’t quite good enough to walk Kid through it so all of Kid’s bits stink. Kid just about manages a Sliced Bread #2 for the pin. *1/4. So the guy that was probably the outstanding wrestler in the opening round took a job? Genius.

That’s the first round of the tournament. Seeing as this is IWA-MS that means we still have two matches left and they’re guaranteed to suck.

Blaze v Delilah Starr

Blaze is the fat boy who came out (literally) with Harry Palmer earlier. He gets a great insult in telling one of the fans that her pussy smells of wet garbage. The ring is full of thumbtacks so Blaze wants the fight on the floor. Delilah, a female (I think), calls him King Tits. As the ring announcer introduces them they brawl around in the audience. Empty chairs count as an audience right? I can hear hicks getting restless. They have an ugly brawl before Blaze takes a few light tubes over the back. DEVASTATING! I’m sure those were quite unpleasant through those two t-shirts he has on. If Blaze is bad then the word way beyond bad to describe Delilah hasn’t yet been invented. She can’t sell, she can barely bump and she can’t work for shit. She’s completely clueless. As demonstrated by her setting herself for a powerbomb out of the corner a good 15 seconds before hitting it. Hey, business, YOU’VE BEEN EXPOSED! Blaze goes for a powerbomb but Delilah punches her way out and they fall over awkwardly for the pinfall. -***. A fucking shambles.

Cash Flo v Mitch Page

The ropes are now barbwire although I notice they haven’t bothered cleaning up the thumbtacks from the last match. These guys have brawling as their stock trade. So we start with a lot of it. There are two beds of light tubes either side of the ring. Flo is dumb enough to come out here without a shirt on. I find shirts acceptable in hardcore matches. Although I suppose you still get cut regardless so you might as well look manly in the process. Hell, the Japanese only wear white shirts because the blood shows up better. The shirtless Flo takes a powerslam in the tacks. The chances of getting some serious blood disorder/AIDS from that canvas? Very, very high. I think I have meningitis C just from watching. Both guys bleed. Page takes a stupid bump where he jumps off the apron then shoves his face into the nearest chair. Flo sportingly punches at Page’s cut. That isn’t enough though so he uses a piece of light tube instead. What is the obsession with light tubes? Is it because they break? KABOOM, KA-BLAMMY! People who enjoy light tubes in matches also listen to Limp Bizkit. The violence continues. There’s some blood and some bumping in stupid things. You get the drill. I’m just happy it doesn’t suck as openly as the last match. As if all the barbwire and light tubes aren’t enough Flo bails for a chair. Page strolls into a couple of shots before ducking under another SLOWLY and throwing Flo into the other bed of light tubes for the pin. DUD. Really terrible but not openly offensive or anything. The slow motion chair shot sequence was the worst moment. The bumps didn’t really make amends.

That’s night one done. I’d like to point out I have this show at 1.0/10.0 after the first night.

September 9th 2000.

2nd Round Sweet Science tournament. We’re still outside. The crowd is still somewhat small.

Chris Hero v American Kickboxer

Some sort of fight breaks out in the crowd to start with. I assume it’s a set up because the ref goes out to break it up. Hey, that one guy looks like a really young Brian Pillman. Once again, ladies and gents, the “Sweet Science” tournament dedicated to the science of professional wrestling. Yes, that IS every other promoter in the country laughing at you Ian. Although I’m glad you persisted this first tournament stinks. Turns out that’s Paul Smooth & Breyer Wellington in the crowd adding some “heat” to their match later tonight. Crowd incidentally looks to have been boosted by the second night finals of the tournament. There must be at least 35 people in the audience tonight. Kickboxer decides to dictate the pace because he’s the veteran. Normally I’d have no issues with that but Hero is SO much more interesting. At least he is now. This version of Chris Hero is in his second year as a pro and doesn’t have quite the arsenal he’d later have. The result being Kickboxer trying for some lame lucha libre stuff and Hero just going along with it because he doesn’t know any better. The realism of selling lucha is whether or not the protagonist can gather enough momentum to throw his larger opponent. In this case Kickboxer simply isn’t fast enough nor fluid enough for his lucha moves to work. So Hero is throwing himself around the ring and it looks stupid. The difference in size should have prohibited Hero from selling any of this. Hero has more in his locker than Kickboxer, even at this stage, so by all rights it should be a squash as Kickboxer has nothing that SHOULD be effective against the bigger yet still technical opponent. Unfortunately Hero is so raw that his strikes look dreadful. His forearm uppercuts for example are really tame. Nothing compared to how they’d look later. He was probably told not to use any stiff striking but his worked stuff looks horrible. Kickboxer finally does something realistic by kicking at Hero’s legs and trying to chop down that big oak tree. And take away the bigger man’s mobility. Again there’s a problem though because Kickboxer is so unfocused. And Hero can’t sell the leg anyway because then he can’t hit any of his moves. Kinda of a sad “state of Indy wrestling 2K” deal. I mean really thank FUCK for Ring of Honor. Kickboxer decides to do something clever and fall over on an Irish whip sell but Dory Funk Jr did a good job training Hero so he really whips him into the corner and the resultant fall looks terrible. Basically these guys are having a total abortion out there with the odd glimmering of a decent match. Kickboxer’s diving rana being a prime example of bad selling, bad bumping and general poor execution and realisation of poor ideas. Hero slaps on the Boston crab to win out of nowhere. Nothing says submission hold like not working a body part in the slightest and then winning with a hold that hasn’t been a finisher in since Rick Martel was sporting it in the late 80’s. ½*. This tournament is very depressing.

PROMO TIME – Ian Rotten. He looks easily in the worst psychical condition of his entire career. He says he gave Bull Pain a job out of friendship but then Jim Cornette told Pain not to wrestle for IWA because they suck and are going nowhere. But Rotten has issues because that “low life coward son of a bitch” didn’t call him before trying out for the WWF. Rotten then “shoots” saying he’ll only get into the WWF if he buys a ticket. Rotten absolutely buries Pain pointing out WCW used him as a jobber. He swears a great deal and says the main event now involves him (oh crap) and it’ll be a 3-way hardcore match. Fucking super. He promises hardcore AND technical wrestling tonight. Yes, but you can promise GOOD hardcore and technical wrestling next time, motherfucker? He says it’ll be a cold day in hell the next time Bull Pain steps into an IWA ring. Yeah, because not booking someone will be a great draw Ian. How much money do you owe these days? Need people to buy your DVDs direct from you eh? What I personally would have done is say Bull Pain is welcome to come back because Ian wants to kick his ass and make him bleed, yadda, yadda, yadda. Call him every name under the sun. Then when Bull Pain fails in the WWF then hire him back and you have an instant, albeit shitty, main event. But no, you got shoot from the hip dontcha cowboy! Way to go, you fat fuck.

Ace Steel v Hy-Zaya w/Uncle Honky

We get a thrilling SHOVING CONTEST to open this one up. At least Steel heels it up like a schmuck. But unfortunately isn’t Hy-Zaya a heel too? Steel’s striking isn’t too bad in this one. Although Hy-Zaya has this really odd habit of hitting moves and part way through you get the feeling he makes up his mind what he’s doing next. Like scooping the guy up and then thinking….erm…spinebuster? Oh…wait…over the knee. And Ace is lying there thinking “what the fuck is this guy doing and will he tell me soon?” Apparently that was 5 minutes of this match. I’d estimate stalling occupied 4 of those. Ace, although he’s heeling it up like a schmuck, is spending most of his time wasting time. Probably because he doesn’t trust the other guy. Which is probably fair. Steel takes it over a line by spitting on Uncle Honky. OOOOOOHHHH! Hy-Zaya helpfully whips Steel towards his manager allowing Honky to get a revenge trip, which sadly they run no distraction for so the referee is looking right at it. This whole ‘no rules’ deal the IWA has isn’t good for helping young wrestlers learn how to work. Which is why most of their roster don’t go anywhere. Well that’s not entirely fair as people go through there and go other places (Punk, Steel, Cabana, Shelley, Jacobs) but how much of that is down to working for IWA? Steel misses off the top drawing a “he fucked up” chant even though he didn’t. Crowd showing how smart it is there. Nice work. Yepper, I thinks that fella made a mistake. Now I’ll drive mah John Deer truck out into the woods and shoot me some wildlife, go home and smack my wife in the eye, chew some tobaccy and drink some Coors Lite. Oh and Ace wins this one with a Swanton bomb, which is gay. *1/4. Steel is like the MVP of this show.

PROMO TIME – Richard X. Like Malcolm X only from Indiana. I guess. He thanks them for their help. Out comes Hy-Zaya to point out none of these “crackers” gives a shit about him. Richard says 25-30 people came to see him in the hospital. Oh, the whole crowd? Hy-Zaya, who’s already heel despite being cheered, turns actual actually heel on Richard X and Uncle Honky splashes the poor chap. Suicide Kid makes the save. Is that a gimmick btw? Is his finish jumping off a building? 12th floor?

Harry Palmer v Chip Fairway

I don’t understand the heel/face alignment in this company. No Dean Baldwin this evening, which technically makes Chip the face although the cheating got cheered the night before. The quick witted Palmer has his comebacks to the crowd down pat. “You shut up”. Oh, yeah. BUH-ZING. I’d hate to be that guy. He is SO burned. Palmer walks around the ring 5 or 6 times. Are there no count outs in this company either? Palmer with some crappy worked punches. Chip fires back with some killer chops. As if to say “fuck you” to his shitty worked stuff. Palmer tries to chop back but he sucks so he can’t. Chip chops him some more. Palmer goes out and stalls some more so Chip hits a fucking dive over the top. And he’s fast for a big guy too so although some of the crowd move the guy behind Palmer doesn’t and gets squished too. Fan friendly in this promotion. They brawl around at ringside for a while. That’s the “Sweet Science” of professional wrestling right there. Palmer has the audacity to break out the Matrix to avoid a lariat. I say the Matrix. I thought he’d just fucked up the bump really badly. But I know it was intentional because he just pops up with a dropkick afterwards. Chip slaps him in the Texas Cloverleaf but Palmer, being the popular crowd pleasing babyf…nevermind, doesn’t quit. They run the spot where the heel gets in the ref’s face and gets pushed over the other guy for 2. This rinky dink clown shit doesn’t cut it these days. Chip misses a Savage elbow and I mean really misses. Palmer doesn’t actually move. Oops. We call that a fuck up in the business. Chip goes after the leg again for presumably another Cloverleaf but Palmer cradles him for the pin. ¾*. There were some nice ideas at play but they didn’t really go anywhere or change momentum for any reason. The finish was quite nice although it would have worked better the other way around with the heel getting frustrated and rolled up and the babyface surviving in the submission hold but hey, that’s just sensible and I don’t expect that anymore.

CM Punk v Suicide Kid

Based on reactions (Kid getting the bigger pop) I’m extremely concerned about the outcome of this match. Although if Punk is planning on any more rope moves I’m simply just concerned about this match. They do some flippy stuff and Punk shows his superior agility by getting monkey flipped onto his feet. Punk has a sickening uber-babyface deal where he requests applause for his opponent. But he didn’t do anything! Where’s the cocky CM Punk? The heel bastard who thinks he’s better than everyone? I guess we’re a little early for him. Of course this particular version of CM Punk only debuted the previous year. And yet he’s still better than the vast majority of the card. No wonder he’s ended up where he is. There’s a clear cut difference in terms of determination. They trade on the mat keeping it basic and this is the first real sign in round two of actual honest to God scientific wrestling. Kid even pops off a nice snap rana AND makes the mistake of going to the well for another one and getting powerbombed. Wow, wrestling, good execution AND psychology? All one after another? Sadly Punk then stands around waiting to get hit by a slow handspring back elbow, which somewhat takes away from their hard work. Kid with a frogsplash for 2. There’s that RVD love again. That and I guess it was an easy top rope move to hit and all these guys want some razzle dazzle. Super rana from Kid but Punk rolls through it for 2. Whirl sideslam from Punk and they’re now doing things above the rest of the card. Punk shows his love of Triple H with a spinebuster for 2. Or is it merely a love of Arn Anderson? He goes for a Tombstone and they fuck up the counter. Well, piledrivers aren’t worth attempting if you’re not sure. Kid actually manages the split legged moonsault, possibly to slap Punk in the face mentally, but Punk gets knees up anyway as if to say “fuck you for trying what I fucked up”. Punk wants to show he can hit one without fucking up and does so but Kid moves and hits the Sliced Bread #2 for the win. **1/2. And that’s your match of the night despite one huge major flaw it was the most polished and together match of the show. I especially like the psychology with the split legged moonsault. I wonder if that came in AFTER Punk’s blunder on night one?

Paul E. Smooth w/Dave Prazak v Breyer Wellington

This is a special bonus match. Smooth claims he lost last night because he was hungover after hanging out with Britney Spears and Kid Rock. Breyer can’t be bothered to wait for the bell/introductions and assaults Paul’s chest with chops. I kinda question whether there was a need for this special bonus match. Come on, they’re both losers. If we’re going to have a losers match can’t it have Colt Cabana in it? The crowd were chanting “these guys suck” at them when they were brawling earlier. They don’t want to see the match. Because Paul ran some cheap heat pre-match Breyer is more over as a babyface. IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMNIT! Prazak trips up the babyface allowing Smooth to hit a neckbreaker for 2. I don’t like those trip spots when they don’t feel like part of the match. Breyer had to change what rope he ran into in mid stride because Prazak wasn’t where he thought he was. It just looks goofy when they run shit like that. Smooth fucks with the fans by faking a plancha then the old “throw ‘em into the ring instead of the crowd” spot. “Fuck you, you child molester” – an angry fan. He’s getting some good heat. I’ll give him that. Breyer doesn’t need to shout “come on, people” to get his pop but he does. Which kinda exposes him as inexperienced. Although he is treating this like a tiny fed because of the lack of fanbase so technically his approach is right. He hits a nice springboard moonsault but Prazak jumps on the apron for the distraction and Smooth finishes with the Angels Wings. *. It wasn’t horrible. I’ll give them that much. Smooth worked some good heat and genuinely irritated the fans.

We’re at the semi-finals then.

Ace Steel v Chris Hero

With there being less rain this could be a good matchup. Hero finally only tanked on night one because of the weather conditions. Ace is still running his basic heel shtick like complaining of a hair pull. But the crowd are buying into it so again I can’t complain. Some of the heel tactics have been pretty bush league this weekend but we are in a bush league so that’s ok. As with the other Steel matches there’s a lot of stalling. His style is a contrast to the other guys because he doesn’t mind making himself look bad. Which is really refreshing and makes him instantly stand out. Hero starts showing some of his more technically sound counters. Perhaps Cabana was just too green to work those with him. It is weird seeing Hero run so much basic stuff compared to his more state-of-the-art stuff in later years. He does work in a cravat though. He loved those right from the start. Steel by contrast works a lot of armbars while yelling abuse at the fans. “Shut up you little cunt” he shouts at one of the lovely local women. The crowd is slightly hated out after hating all over Paul Smooth though so he’s not getting the same reactions he could get. Hero tries for a twisting senton but Steel moves. Steel gets up a head of speed and NAILS Hero with a lariat. Then to really fuck with him he poses on the buckles in lieu of pinning. What a jerk! Springboard elbow drop from Steel gets 2. This match has lacked a little in the way of focus. Some body part stuff would have been nice to set up the finals. Hero is getting a beating and bails out to try and recover. Hero buys himself enough time to head up top but Steel crotches him and connects with a superplex. Steel has been more into the high impact stuff after a quiet start. Hero hasn’t really gotten going at all. He starts no selling, which is weird and does something with his size. Which is unusual. The big boot/legdrop combo is usually not the domain of an Indy wrestler. Especially one who has a variety of technical holds. Steel avoids the Hero’s Welcome right into a Northern Lights suplex for 2. You know that’s a partial lift from RVD-Lynn. Steel goes for the Hero’s Welcome, which is asking for trouble and Hero counters into his own finishing hold to go to the finals. **. Very solid. Some great reversals at the finish but the match was very basic before that. Not complaining mind you. Especially with all the mistakes on night one.

Suicide Kid v Harry Palmer

They start on the floor in a marked contrast to the last match. Palmer gets whipped into the seating and we’ve somewhat abandoned the scientific stuff here! Suicide Kid does work in an Asai moonsault though so there’s wrestling involved. Kid with a high crossbody for 2. He’s been all about the high risk in the early going. Probably looking to finish this quickly to give himself more a chance against the heavyweight Hero in the finals. After being unable to secure a quick pinfall he takes apart Palmer’s leg to try and wear him down without any need for his own energy levels being depleted. Palmer counters him standing into an inverted DDT. I have issues with someone just popping up and not selling a limb at all. Even RVD would flex his leg a bit. Work out the numbness/pain. Palmer doesn’t even rub the leg or anything. Remind the fans there’s an injury. Its part of the story. To the ropes and Palmer hits…something off the top. I think it was supposed to be a gutbuster. Palmer tries to follow up with a pescado but Kid moves. That was a good spot because Palmer isn’t a highflier so he crashed and burned due to his inexperience doing a move. I like that. Kid is far more adept on the ropes, which allows him to connect with a Savage Elbow. Kid isn’t a particularly good worker and does a lot of pointless flips and loudly claps his hands together in a very obvious fashion when hitting anything. Crowd don’t seem to be able to tell the difference. They blow something in the corner again and the ref was supposed to turn heel but completely misses Kid with a kick. Palmer quickly pins and the ref quick counts Kid down. ½*. Blew the finish didn’t ya! DIDN’T YA! Never trust zebras.

POST MATCH they beat the shit out of Suicide Kid who screams like a girl and CM Punk has to carry him out of the building. Excellent.

Sweet Science Finals – Harry Palmer v Chris Hero

Both guys should really be selling fatigue after a couple of matches apiece this evening. They’re both sweaty. I’ll give them that. Palmer tries stalling and bailing and stalling again. There’s that “sweet science” again. Palmer gets back in…and bails again. Then he stalls INSIDE the ring. Outside and Hero proves he’s hardcore by taking a whip into the chairs. Luckily there are no fans on the chairs. You can hear the crowd getting increasingly pissed off with Palmer for his babyface abuse during the course of the evening. Hero takes a header into the ring post and it looks like he’s going for a blade but I don’t see any blood. Palmer grabs a road sign, (where did that come from?), and bashes Hero with it. “Sweet Science” people. That, in any other scientific wrestling tournament, would be a DQ. Why bother having rules? Hero is indeed busted open btw. “Oh my God, he’s bleeding” sayeth one of Hero’s marks. He makes a point of hanging off the ropes to show the crowd the blood. Yeah, SELL THAT SHIT! Woo! Palmer seems very reluctant to make any attempt to finish the match though. He just hits the odd thing like a legdrop and then he chokes a bit. The ref is counting to break the choke but he didn’t DQ for the chair so why should Palmer even break the choke? Hero pops back up and hits a flying forearm. ARRIBA! Palmer cuts him back down with a clothesline. Hero comes back again with a diving neckbreaker. His stuff seems a bit extravagant for a guy whose lost blood and has been beaten up in three matches tonight. Palmer lays the referee out. Fucking Christ almighty. I hate this promotion. Some dumbshit rednecks cheer away as the heel ref comes in. Hero kicks out of the fast count. The only good thing about this is the odds are really stacked against Hero now but its also just robbery from the WWF (Vince McMahon stacking the deck against Steve Austin). Only here it doesn’t make sense. How is Palmer getting away with using his own referee? Surely the other boys in the back would be pissed off and remove the heel ref? Surely? Or does no one give a shit about the tournament? Either way it’s a plot hole. The heel ref gets bumped. In comes an actual referee to replace him as Hero mounts another comeback. Frogsplash Elbow gets 2. Palmer looks for his inverted DDT, which is perfect for Hero to counter into the Hero’s Welcome and Hero wins the match and the Sweet Science 16. ½*. Not a good match to end on.

POST MATCH Axl Rotten comes out here to berate Bull Pain some more. So he’s here to tag with Ian Rotten. Oh lordy. The Bad Breed.

Bad Breed v Hardcore Craig/Corporal Robinson

Hardcore Craig? Did you stay up all night thinking of that ring name buddy? Nah, got to bed about 2-2.30. Axl blades during the introductions. Basically there’s a load of blood and plunder. That’s all you need to know. It saves me the time recapping this shit. I just hate these matches. There’s no art to them. Any fool can cut himself open and let some other idiot do disgusting things to him with barbwire and thumbtacks but these guys just hit each other with shit. Where’s the fun in that? There’s no build up. How do you build up to a finish when there are already barbwire shots from minute one and every guy takes half a dozen light tube shots? They move up to chair shots after the light tubes. Robinson has a wiffle bat wrapped in barbwire. Worst. Weapon. Ever. Axl looks to up to ante with light tubes across two chairs. Ian manages a sloppy powerbomb through the thing and Axl gets the pin. Jeez, that was ugly. DUD.

POST MATCH Axl puts over the fans who then in turn chant “IWA” for a little while.

The 411: Night two is significantly better than the horrendous night one but it’s still an inauspicious start to a well respected tournament. The filler in between matches was actually even worse than the crap in the tournament, which is saying something. I’m surprised this ever made it to a second year. Very bad.

Final Score:  2.5   [ Very Bad ]