From the Bowery: WrestleMania

Allow myself to introduce myself to all you fine readers at 411. I’ve been a pro-wrestling fan since as long as I can remember. I will admit from the start that I am a Hogan mark and have been since I was in preschool. I grew up with the WWF, and while I watched my share of NWA, I was just more attracted to the spectacle of the WWF. As I grew I learned to appreciate the art of pro-wrestling more, but even as my taste in wrestling evolved, I remained a Hogan mark and am so to this day (Haters be damned). So, while I can appreciate great scientific wrestling as much as the next member of the IWC, I prefer having great stories, drama, and crowd heat mixed with the actual in ring product. My ratings of matches will probably reflect that. Bottom line is that I want to entertained, and what entertains me may be different from what entertains others. Thus, I have no problem if people disagree with me.

I’m sure you’ll get to know me better (assuming I stick around) as I get more of these reviews done. To start, I’ll just mention I am a proud resident of Smock, PA (60 miles South of Pittsburgh), and my favorite sports teams are the 49ers, Pirates, Penguins, and Pitt Panthers.

Now, with all that behind us, I figured there is no better place to start than the beginning. So, I present the show Where it All Began: WrestleMania.

WrestleMania
March 31, 1985
Madison Square Garden, NY, NY
Announce Team: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

For any wrestling trivia buffs, the National Anthem was sung by future Hall of Famer Gene Okerlund. Lilian Garcia he is not, but at least it wasn’t Carl Lewis (I’m sure I’m dating myself with that one).

Tito Santana vs. The Executioner

-The Executioner is “Playboy” Buddy Rose under a mask, and the crowd is so rabid they even boo the bland heel in this match. It should be noted that in a prematch interview The Executioner claimed he was coming for Santana’s leg, and while good strategy (due to Greg Valentine’s injuring Santana’s leg in their previous matches), I’d expect something more violent than leg work from a guy called the Executioner. Any way, the match starts proper with a headlock that leads to a criss cross of the ropes and Tito gets the advantage with a backdrop. Executioner rolls to the floor for some stalling with the crowd (a staple of heels back in the 80s). We get rolling again with a lockup, which leads to a Santana headlock. Tito pulls out a nice spot where he walks the turnbuckles while hanging onto the headlock and kicks off into a headlock, which gets a 2 count. The two men exchange punches before the Executioner gets in a boot to take advantage. A whip into the ropes leads to a knee and as promised he goes for Tito’s bad leg. Sadly, it goes nowhere as Tito regains control with punches and kicks in the corner. Executioner whips Tito into the ropes and gets an ugly backdrop and follows with a slam. He goes up top, and much like Ric Flair, he gets caught by Tito and slammed to the canvas. Executioner rolls to the apron to stall again, but Tito stops that noise with a body slam from the outside back into the ring. Tito uses the Figure Four (as a message to Valentine) to get the submission and victory.

Tito via Figure 4 Submission @ 4:50
(Short match, but it served its’ purpose in getting the crowd fired up and showing that Tito still has Valentine on his mind) *1/2

King Kong Bundy vs. SD (Special Delivery) Jones

-Howard Finkel informs us that this match has a 20 minute time limit, and I expect all 20 to be used. SD starts fast with a charge and that’s all his offense as he is immediately caught in a bear hug. Bundy pushes him into the corner and squashes him with an Avalanche. A big splash to a prone Jones gets the 3 count in a reported 9 seconds. I know I feel cheated from that 20 minute time limit announcement.

Bundy via Splash for pin @ 26 seconds
(Any way you slice it the match was a squash, but they need a new timekeeper because claiming that a 26 second match was only 9 seconds was insane. Try to imagine 400 lb Bundy trying to do 3 offensive moves in 6 seconds, Geez!) DUD

Ricky Steamboat vs. “Maniac” Matt Borne

-Steamboat you should know, but at this point he wasn’t billed as “The Dragon”, as I guess he got his wings later. Matt Borne was the 1st person to play Doink the Clown, and was also born in Ellwood City, PA making him a local Western PA boy. The two men circle each other and start with the familiar collar and elbow tie-up. Steamboat backs Borne into the ropes and brings the pain with forearms and stiff chops. A snap mare leads to a chin lock and then a headlock by Steamboat. He stays in control with an Atomic Drop and goes back to the headlock like a mad man. Borne breaks and uses reverse psychology on the Dragon by going with a reverse Atomic Drop. Some forearms and an Irish whip, but Steamboat fires back with a chop (karate moves for the 80s) from the 2nd rope and he goes right back to the headlock, which he turns into a front face lock. Borne breaks as he brings some knees and follows up with a belly to belly suplex. A vertical suplex follows and a cover gets 2. Steamboat counters by going back to his karate offense, namely some chops. A back suplex and reverse neck breaker lead to another “karate” chop. Steamboat drops a knee to the sternum for a 2 count. Steamboat goes up top and gets a high cross body for the 3 count.

Steamboat via High Cross Body for pin @ 4:39
(Steamboat was always good for a decent match with any opponent. Match was short, as is normal for this show, and the psychology with the neck work was there for the most part.) **

Brutus Beefcake (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. David Sammartino (w/ Bruno Sammartino)

-Beefcake hadn’t reached Barber status yet, but barber college was expensive at the time, and he was still saving from what I hear. David was the son of Bruno, and as seen with another David (Flair) it’s always tough to follow a legend’s tracks. Neither kid had near the skill of their fathers, but it was a long shot to follow them in the 1st place. Take note: Nick Hogan (assuming you don’t end up in prison). If you like stalling than this is the match for you. There is a time and place for stalling as it can help a match, but here, it is only done to cover for the fact that neither guy can work. It takes over a minute before we can even get to the traditional collar and elbow tie-up (Interesting note is that TNA prohibits their workers from starting a match with a tie up, or so it seems). Yes, I know I’m stalling as far as the match review goes, but trust me, not much is happening. Some amateur wrestling is tried by David, but Beefcake gets frustrated and rolls outside to stall some more. Back in and David gets a take down and a front face lock to waste some more time. On the bright side Ventura’s commentary is doing it’s best to keep me interested. The epic face lock is broken as Brutus gets to the ropes and then stalls some more by arguing with the ref. Collar and elbow tie up once more and David goes to an arm bar now (dropping the attempted work on the neck). Finally, we get some impact as Brutus counters with a body slam, and then he goes with an arm bar of his own. Ventura notes that this match is at a slow place. No Kidding! Another collar and elbow (now I see why TNA tends to keep matches from starting off with them) leads to a side headlock by Beefcake. Good Lord, now they are both jumping from body part to body part. Beefcake gets a 1 count with the side headlock. Things pick up with Beefcake getting a shoulder block and hip toss for 2. David comes back with a leg trip and forgets all the previous upper body work he did and goes to work on a leg. That doesn’t do anything for the pace as now we get rest holds that focus on the leg: namely a step over toe hold, which is repeated by David. Beefcake cheats with an eye rake and starts bringing the punches. A body slam and some forearms lead to a nice elbow to the face by Beefcake. That worked so well, we go to the other corner and repeat the sequence. The crowd finally gets rocking when David gets tossed to the floor and Valiant attacks him. This brings over Bruno to pop the crowd huge as he protects his boy. All 4 men climb in the ring and brawl as we get a No Contest to end the bore fest.

No Contest @ 11:46
(Yeah, this didn’t help keep me awake as I watched this last night. Having to sit through that for a non finish was even worse. Judging by crowd reaction they should have gone with Bruno vs. Valiant. Technically a better match than Bundy/Jones, but give me Bundy/Jones over this match any day of the week.) 3/4*

WWF Intercontinental Title: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine © w/ Jimmy Hart vs. The Junk Yard Dog

-I would like to point out that the IC title back in 1985 was quite ugly with the green strap. JYD is quite over with the crowd as he would be during his career as a pro. A lock-up starts us off proper and leads to an arm wringer by JYD. The Hammer tries a boot, but it’s caught by JYD who spins him into a right hand. Hammer comes back with a knee, but misses a forearm. JYD comes back with his head butts while on all fours like, well, a dog. Valentine rolls to the apron to regroup before coming back in to try a test of strength that he doesn’t win. The Hammer counters with forearms, and then attacks the leg to set-up for an eventual Figure 4. The lower bodywork continues as he gets a bad looking half crab. Valentine drops some head butts to the midsection and goes in for the figure 4, but JYD kicks him off. Punches are traded and naturally that doesn’t go so well for Valentine, as JYD brings some more head butts. Valentine then does his best Ric Flair impression and does what would be known as a Flair Flop today. Sensing the impending doom, Hart jumps on the apron to distract JYD. Valentine charges, but hits Hart by mistake. Valentine suckers him in the corner and gets a roll-up with his feet on the ropes (another Flair staple) for the 3 count @ 5:57. This brings out Tito who argues with the ref and the ref believes Tito (being he is on the side of good) and orders Valentine back in the ring. Valentine says to hell with that and walks.

Junk Yard Dog via Count-Out @ 6:12
(Good pace considering the last match, but still short on time, and in Valentine’s case that is a bad thing. Normally takes the guy 15 minutes before he breaks a sweat. The ending was screwy, but made the crowd happy and continued the Santa and Valentine feud) *1/4

WWF Tag Team Titles: The US Express © w/ Capt Lou vs. The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff w/ Freddie Blassie

-The US Express is Mike Rotunda (future IRS) and Barry Windham (future member of 4 Horsemen). “Real American” was originally done for the US Express, but soon became Hulk Hogan’s theme. Nikolai gets to sing the entire Russian National anthem without interruption. American Idol should take a look at this guy because he gets through the whole song without blinking as fans throw garbage in the ring, and he remembered all the words. As is the theme for tonight a lock up with Sheik and Rotunda get things started. Sheiks gains control with a headlock, but a hip toss from Rotunda breaks. Windham gets in a right hand and gets tagged into the match. He enters via the top rope as he delivers an elbow to Sheik. Both men tag back out and we go with Volkoff and Rotunda. A running elbow from Rotunda gets a 1 count and he tags Windham back in the match. Windham comes off the top rope with another elbow, hits an arm ringer, and tags Rotunda. Volkoff gains control by running Rotunda into the Sheik’s infamous pointed boots. Sheik comes in and gets a backdrop for a 2 count. A gut wrench suplex also gets a 2 count for Sheik. Rotunda blocks a suplex and gets one of his own as he crawls to Windham. Volkoff (tagged by Sheik) cuts off the tag to Rotunda and gets a knee to the abdomen. Sheik gets back in as he is recovered and goes to the abdominal stretch for our heat segment in the match. Rotunda counters with a hip toss and finally gets the tag to Windham at the same time Volkoff tags back into the match. Windham hits a drop kick and gets a bulldog. Sheik breaks up the momentum, but is drop kicked out by Rotunda. As the ref tries to get Rotunda out, Sheik grabs Blassie’s cane and pounds Windham. Volkoff covers for three and the crowd is unpleased to say the least.

New WWF Tag Champs: Volkoff/Sheik via cane shot @ 6:53
(Standard Tag team formula here, but too short to really be worth anything. The match had great heat because of the Sheik/Volkoff pair. The tag titles would be back on the Express by June.) **

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge: Big John Studd (w/ Heenan) vs. Andre The Giant

-The stipulation here is that Heenan put up $15,000 saying Andre couldn’t body slam Studd (which is stupid because Andre is so much larger than Studd). Andre vows to retire if he can’t get the slam. No lock-up to start this one as Studd jumps Andre in the corner and delivers some forearms. From that point on it becomes a squash as Andre gets in all the rest of the offense. Andre chops, punches, and chokes Studd through various points in the match. The butt squash in the corner by Andre leads to a long and boring bear hug. Studd doesn’t really sell the pain and uses it as a chance to rest, which kind of kills the effect. Studd tries a kick, but the boot is caught and Andre delivers a right hand. Some chops and a kick sets up the body slam that finishes the match for Andre. Post match sees Andre toss some cash to the crowd, and Heenan (he is the Brain) sneaks in and grabs his bag of money.

Studd via body slam @ 5:53
(Normal battle of big men, which means punching and kicking at this point in the WWF. Crowd loved Andre, but he didn’t have much to bring in the ring at this point in his career.) DUD

WWF Woman’s Title: Leilani Kai © w/ The Fabulous Moolah vs. Wendi Richter w/ Cyndi Lauper

-Cyndi Lauper came in as part of the Rock and Wrestling Connection that the WWF and MTV created. Fans were actually jacked for this match, as Ladies wrestling was taken about as serious here as it was when Trish held the title. Unfortunately, neither of these ladies are in Trish’s league and the results aren’t pretty. After some hair pulling Kai gets an arm drag, which is reversed to a hammer lock by Richter. Kai turns that into a snap mare for a 2 count. Kai goes back to the arm with an arm ringer before using a hair take down. The sequence is repeated. Some ugly punches are thrown and more hair pulling ensues. Kai goes to a choke, but Richter counters with a body scissor. If Jerry Lawler was around we would be getting sex jokes at this point, but thankfully Ventura and Monsoon focus on the in ring action, which isn’t much. An ugly reverse sequence gets 2, as they seem lost at this point. So, they go back to what they know best and that’s some hair pulling. Moolah gets involved and that leads to a cat fight with Lauper (Beulah/Francine it’s not). Richter gets a 2 count off a prehistoric type of F5, but makes the mistake of running into a boot by Kai for 2. Kai hits a back breaker for another 2 count and goes up top for a cross body. Richter must have watched the earlier Steamboat match and knows what’s coming as she rolls through for the 3 count and title to a decent pop from the crowd. Lauper and Richer celebrate as “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” plays (which I’m shocked they left in the DVD release unlike the other copyrighted music they dubbed over).

New WWF Women’s Champion: Richter via roll through @ 6:12
(Kind of a sloppy match that had too much hair pulling to be taken seriously. The women were over with the crowd as actual athletes, but matches like this show how great Trish Stratus and company were.) *

Main Event: Roddy Piper & “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff w/ Cowboy Bob Orton, Jr. vs. Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion) & Mr. T w/ Jimmy Snuka

-Lots of celebrities involved in this one: NY Yankee Manager Billy Martin is the special ring announcer, Liberace (w/ Rockettes) is your special time keeper, and special enforcer is Muhammad Ali. Pat Patterson is the normal ref as Ali patrols the outside. I’m sure others have made the jokes about Liberace and Patterson being involved, but I like to think I am above all that.

-Piper is played to the ring by a Scottish band with bagpipes and drums, as the crowd hates everything about the heels at this point. Lots of garbage pelts the ring as I have flashbacks (or maybe flash-forwards at this point) of early nWo. Hogan gets a massive pop as he and Mr. T make their way to the ring. Piper vs. Hogan was the hot feud and carried the WWF at this time. Hogan and Paul start, but quickly Piper begs to get in and T does the same. So we start with T and Piper face to face before they trade slaps. Piper tries to out wrestle T, but he shows some skill and frustrates Piper. T gets a fireman’s carry and dumps Piper to the canvas. All 4 men plus the managers get in the ring and Ali takes a swing at Piper as the crowd goes insane. Crowd begins to chant for Ali as the heels begin to walk out of the arena to some big boos! The heels return and we settle to Hogan and Piper in the ring. Hogan hits an atomic drop and then starts bouncing Piper’s head off the canvas, as Jesse is irate with Hogan’s cheating ways. Both men trade eye rakes and Hogan tags in T. They show some team work with a double clothesline on Piper. T gets a slam and hip lock before tagging Hogan. They trade punches and Hogan gets the big boot that sends Piper to the floor (that’s a way to break up the usual foot/leg drop combo). Piper gets control by using a chair and once back in the ring they double team Hogan in the corner. A double atomic drop by the heels and Orndorff stays in to deliver some boots and a suplex. Piper tags back in and gets a 2 count. Orndorff comes back in and drops an elbow to the back of Hogan’s neck. A back breaker from Mr. Wonderful has the fans freaking out as Hogan continues to get pounded on by the heels. Finally, Mr. Wonderful misses a forearm from the top rope and Hogan gets the hot tag to Mr. T. Piper and Orndorff out-smart T and regain the advantage. This time Orndorff tries some amateur wrestling with T, but it looks sloppier here than earlier in the match. Piper returns and goes to a front face lock (a staple on this show), but T gets the even hotter tag to Hulk Hogan. Punches galore and we get the double coconut spot as Piper and Orndorff have a literal meeting of the minds. Orton jumps in the ring, but is attacked by Jimmy Snuka. Piper tries to return, but Mr. T cuts him off, and they brawl in the corner (Piper later stated in his DVD that this was done on purpose to keep T out of the finish since he wasn’t one of the boys). Wonderful has Hogan in a full nelson and Orton comes off the top rope to deliver a cast shot, but he hits Wonderful by mistake. Hogan covers for the 3 count. Orton and Piper walk off and leave Wonderful. This lead to his face turn and partnership with Hogan, which led to the heel turn and a big money feud between the two men after WrestleMania 2. Hogan and T celebrate with the famous people as the show ends.

Hogan/Mr. T over Piper/Orndorff via Hogan pinning Orndorff @ 13:26
(Best match of the night as it was given the most time, and smartly featured no rest holds or dead spots. The crowd was way into this, and made the match even more enjoyable. Nice ending to the show and it started the tradition of sending the crowd home happy at WrestleMania.) **3/4

The 411: This is one of those shows that get a pass because of historical value alone. Outside of the Main Event, there isn't too much to go out of your way to see. The Tag Title switch was shocking for those in the arena and gave the show an anything can happen feel, but nothing else is really memorable. However, the whole show should be watched and probably even owned by true wrestling fans.
Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]