Dark Pegasus Video Review: Backlash 2004

Posted by J.D. Dunn on 08.19.2008

Happy Chris Benoit Day, Edmonton!

Backlash 2004
by J.D. Dunn

April 18, 2004

Live from Edmonton, Alberta.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Heat Match: Matt Hardy vs. Val Venis.
Matt Facts: Matt never stands still on people movers. Matt always pays cash for everything. Matt had just come over from Smackdown and… done nothing. Well, he did Lita. That was something. But career-wise, he didn't do anything. Val actually looks threatening with hair, and a tan, and muscles. He doesn't even resemble the Mulkey Clone that you occasionally see on Raw these days. Val shoves Matt down and drops an elbow for two. Matt tosses him to the floor to take over. A surfboard kills some time. Matt hits the Side Effect for two and goes back to the surfboard. Val slugs his way back and backdrops Matt. He misses a charge and gets clotheslined. Val comes back with a spinebuster and goes up for the Money Shot. Matt blocks, though, and goes for a Super Twist of Fate. Instead, Val blocks, throws him to the mat and finishes with the Money Shot at 8:00. This was a Heat match all right. **

Opening Match: Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin.
Shelton was shaping up as the breakthrough star of 2004 after an impressive performance in his last match on Smackdown, and then a huge upset win over HHH. Flair doesn't like Shelton mocking his strut, so he shoves him. Shelton slaps him, which Flair oversells with the Flair Flop. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash but lands on the top rope. They work in the drop-down/leapfrog sequence, and Benjamin hits a dropkick. Apparently, one of the knocks on Benjamin is that he "smiled too much" in the ring. Doctors call it Reverse Ahmed Johnson Syndrome or NAMBLA. Flair thumbs him in the eyes and clips his knee when Shelton argues with the ref. He stomps the leg and slaps on the figure-four (on the wrong leg, but who really notices that anymore). Shelton rolls it over, but Flair makes the ropes. Flair grabs a chair, but the ref takes it away from him. Shelton comes back with an enzuigiri and the leg whip. Shelton wins a slugfest, and Flair tumbles to the floor off a corner whip. Shelton suplexes him back in and hits the Stinger Splash in the corner to prevent Flair from using brass knuckles. That sets up an awkward flying clothesline at 9:27. This was good Flair Formula, but the finish looked sloppy for some reason. **3/4

Randy Orton is unimpressed with Shelton Benjamin. He is, after all, one of the longest-reigning Intercontinental Champions of all time. He's also unimpressed with Mick Foley.

Tajiri vs. Jonathan Coachman.
Somehow, Coachman actually wound up in a feud with Tajiri. Why they felt the need to use announcers as wrestlers on PPV is beyond me, but then I guess it's no worse than Bobby Heenan in a weasel suit. Tajiri misses a kick and smashes his own shin on the ringpost to give the match some intrigue. Coach locks in a leglock. Tajiri kicks him in the face and crotches him on the top rope. Coach blocks a monkeyflip and gets two, but the ref catches him putting his feet on the ropes. Tajiri gets the Tarantula, but when he releases it, Garrison (Lance) Cade runs in and punches him in the head. That allows Coach to get the win at 6:26. They actually were considering pushing Cade, so they split up the athletic jobber team of Cade and Mark Jindrak. Jindrak got a mini-push on Smackdown before getting released. Cade… well, you know the rest. The match was a lot of Coach leglocks. At least he wasn't feuding with Jim Ross. *1/4

Recap of Trish Stratus turning on Chris Jericho and becoming EVIL TRISH~!

Handicap Match: Chris Jericho vs. Christian & Trish Stratus.
Christian turned heel on Jericho because Jericho picked Trish over their friendship, and Trish turned heel on Jericho because Jericho picked Trish over his friendship with Christian. Sort of. See, Trish didn't like that Jericho didn't appreciate the fact that she was a tasty piece of meat. Plus, there's the implication that she likes to get smacked around a bit in the bedroom. So, just to recap the wrestling rules:

1) A black person's head is the hardest substance known to mankind. It is abbreviated Bh on the periodic chart of the elements.

2) Samoans and Africans do not deal well with technology, even in the 21st century.

3) Women like to be slapped around a bit, no matter how much a restraining order might tell you otherwise.

4) Authority figures are evil or rendered impotent by bureaucracy.

5) Something called the nWo will destroy everything you love and hold dear using powerful leaders to help them.

Holy shit! I just realized wrestling has been booked by Pat Buchanan for the last thirty years! The idea is that Trish is a sneaky bitch who agreed to be in the match in order to humiliate Jericho. Their plan is for Christian to wrestle the match and defeat Jericho so Trish can get the pin. Instead, Jericho turns Christian into his bitch and chases Trish around the ring. She finally distracts him long enough for Christian to recover and jump Jericho to turn the tide. Jericho gives Trish a spanking but takes the Unprettier. Trish wants to cover, so that eats up time, and the heels only get two. Jericho knocks Trish to the floor and bulldogs Christian. Christian blocks the Lionsault and locks in the Texas Cloverleaf. Jericho squirms free and goes for the Walls but decides to put it on Trish instead. Christian rolls him up from behind, but Jericho reverses and catapults him into Trish. That sets up a running enzuigiri to Christian for the win at 11:14. All three of them are good storytellers, so this was a lot of fun, even if the wrestling lacked at times. Trish getting her comeuppance was great. ***

In the back, Eugene is so busy "reading" the WWE Magazine that he stumbles in on Gail Kim in the women's locker room. William Regal comes in to drag him out and stops for an eyeful of Gail. I think he was mentally making plans to eat a little Korean after the show. Carl voice: Ya know what I mean, Fry man?!

A video package highlights Chris Benoit's return to Edmonton as champion. The city even declared April 18 "Chris Benoit Day" in Edmonton. Then, in a sad moment, they pan the family and we see Nancy and Daniel cheering him on.

But enough about that…

Women's Title: Victoria vs. Lita.
I think both women were babyfaces at this point, but Lita is the default face, at any rate. The match… sucks something fierce. Victoria looks extra hot, though, and the cameraman is right on top of giving us crotch shots. I wouldn't normally point that out, but the match is extra bad and it's *so* obvious that the cameraman is fixated on her vajaynus. After about seven minutes of fumbling around like virginal teens in the back of a Chevy, Victoria manages to small package Lita for the win. 1/2*

After the match, Molly Holly and Gail Kim attack both ladies and lay them out.

From my (long-winded) Top Ten Matches of the Year 2004 Countdown…

Intercontinental Title, Hardcore Rules: Randy Orton vs. Cactus Jack.
Proving once again that, if you need to create a superstar, Foley is your man. After proving that he could be a serviceable wrestler against Shawn Michaels, the WWE wanted to showcase Randy Orton's rough side. Orton brings a trashcan full of weapons. Unfortunately for Randy, the barbed wire unravels from his 2x4. Jack runs after him, swinging like a madman. Orton drop toeholds him into the steps. They fight over Foley's barbed wire bat, and Orton hits him over the head with a garbage can. To the ring, Foley chokes him down and hits a running knee. He sends Orton to the outside with a sliding dropkick and neckbreakers him on the floor. Jack goes up to the second rope, but Orton scurries off up the ramp. Orton backdrop suplexes him on the ramp for two. Orton backslides him on the ramp for two more. He slams Foley's head on the ramp, but it still only gets two. Back in, Orton tries to use the barbed wire bat. Foley lowblows him and pulls out Mr. Socko. He lets the crowd vote whether he should use "Barbie the bat" or "Socko." Crowd votes for the bat. Jack drives the barbed wire bat down into his face, drawing blood. Cactus delivers the running knee to the corner. Orton scrambles for the ropes with a dazed look on his face. Jack puts the barbed wire bat between Orton's legs and legdrops it. SICK! Jack gets a gas can from under the ring and is about to light the bat on fire before Eric Bischoff comes out and threatens to cancel the PPV. Instead, Cactus goes to the other side of the ring and pulls out…a sheet of plywood wrapped in barbed wire. Run, Randy! Run! Cactus sets it in the ring, but Orton throws powder in his eyes and slams Jack into it. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Cactus gets his shoulder up. Orton sets the board up in the corner and whips Jack into it. He ups that by dropkicking Jack into the board. Orton reaches into a box, which has been sitting in the corner and pulls out…a bag of thumbtacks! Orton pours them out on the canvass. He sets up…wait for it…THE RKO! But Foley counters, slamming Orton INTO THE TACKS! If that doesn't make your butt clinch up, nothing will. Orton runs to the back, but Cactus Jack runs him down and tosses him off the entrance ramp through an equipment setup below. The refs try to keep him away while they scrape up Orton's carcass. Cactus takes out all the refs and follows Orton down with a Cactus elbow off the ramp into Orton's chest. ONE, TWO, THR-NO!! Orton rolls his shoulder. Cactus drags Orton down to the ring amidst "E-C-W!" chants. KOBASHI DRIVER! ONE, TWO, THRE-NOO!!!! Jack sets up the barbed wire plywood, but Orton grabs the barbed wire bat and wears the challenger out with it. Jack grabs Mr. Socko and counters another Orton swing to the Mandible Claw. Orton delivers a lowblow to break it up. Jack goes for it again, but Orton COUNTERS TO THE RKO!! ONE, TWO, THRE-NOOO!!! Jack stumbles around, right into another RKO — this time onto the barbed wire bat. ONE, TWO, THREE! Orton picks up an impressive title defense at 23:04. Orton looks like a superstar for the first time in his career. This was enough to set up his title run later in the year. ****1/2

Triple H says beating Benoit on Chris Benoit Day in his own hometown is where the money is at.

Hurricane & Rosey vs. La Resistance.
Poor man's Green Lantern vs. the poor man's Rougeau Brothers. I guess that makes Rosey the poor man's G'Nort. Hurricane plays face-in-peril as Eugene wanders down and runs the ropes. Ha ha! He doesn't understand rules! By the way, William Regal is an awful babysitter. Probably because of the drugs. In all the chaos, Hurricane hits the Eye of the Hurricane for the win at 5:03. This was just here to give them a chance to get Eugene out in front of the crowd. *

Recap of Edge returning from a year off and becoming the rebel babyface. We even see him spearing Johnny Nitro (today's John Morrison), who was a lowly assistant to Eric Bischoff at the time. So, just to recap the Raw Hierarchy:

-Eric Bischoff was the Don.
-Jonathon Coachman was his Consigliore.
-Johnny Nitro was the Capo.
-William Regal was the Secretary General in Charge of Getting Funky.

Kane vs. Edge.
Although Lita would eventually have on-camera weddings with both guys, she's not even in the picture yet. Okay, it's been four years. I think we can ask. What in the blue fuck was up with the towel Kane used to wear on his head? Did it symbolize his lost hair? Is he paying tribute to Rick James? This is another sluggish match. Edge gets the Edgecution for two. The ref gets knocked down, so Edge uses his cast (illegally). That sets up the spear at 6:25. Nothing special, but it did demonstrate Edge's new heelish character that eventually became the guy we know and hate today. **

And finally, also from my MOTYC 2004 list…

World Heavyweight Title: Chris Benoit vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H.
With Benoit returning as the local boy who made good, and Shawn Michaels being one of the most reviled villains in the area, it was actually Triple H who wound up playing the fifth wheel… or third wheel as it were. Benoit goes after Triple H to start. Michaels joins in, and they double backdrop him. Michaels clotheslines Triple H out. Benoit and Michaels exchange chops. Benoit blocks a corner charge and clotheslines Shawn down. Shawn comes back with a swinging neckbreaker as Triple H gets back in the ring. Hunter takes Shawn out with the high knee and tosses Benoit over the top. Michaels gets an atomic drop and ducks out of a Pedigree. Benoit tries to get back in, so they conspire to keep him out. Benoit makes it back in by sheer force of will and delivers German suplexes to BOTH men. Benoit reverses a corner whip, sending Shawn over the top. Benoit catches the Game coming of the second rope and puts him in the Crippler Crossface. Shawn gets up on the apron, so Benoit knocks him off the apron. Benoit goes up for the Swandive headbutt, but Triple H has recovered. Hunter and Benoit fight on the top. Shawn runs in and rams Hunter into Benoit, knocking Benoit from the top rope to the floor. Shawn and Hunter take each other out, so Benoit climbs up and delivers the Swandive Headbutt to Shawn. ONE, TWO, THR-Hunter breaks it up. Michaels goes for a flying forearm, but Benoit ducks. Michaels knocks the referee all the way to the outside. Triple H sneaks in and goes for the Pedigree on Benoit. Benoit counters to the SHARPSHOOTER! Michaels comes in to break it up but winds up in the CROSSFACE!!! The crowd is just insane rooting for the tapout. Benoit releases the hold to wake the referee. When he returns, Michaels puts Benoit in the Sharpshooter. Now, here comes Referee Earl Hebner. HUGE HEEL HEAT for Hebner. Benoit refuses to submit…not that it would stop Hebner or anything. Triple H breaks up the Sharpshooter. Michaels settles for a small package for two. A big "YOU SCREWED BRET!" chant erupts as Michaels sneers at the crowd. He goes for a slam, but Benoit counters to the Crossface! Triple H breaks it up and stomps Benoit down in the corner. Benoit reverses a whip and sends him to the outside. Michaels recovers and clotheslines Benoit! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Benoit starts to win a slugfest, so Michaels pulls him out with a handful of tights. Michaels climbs to the top and flies off toward Benoit and Triple H. HE MISSES! Michaels goes THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! OH MY GOD! Benoit seems concerned, but Triple H attacks him from behind and rams him into the ringpost. Back in, Triple H throws Benoit's shoulder into the ringpost, not once but twice! He puts Benoit in the Camel Clutch. Benoit counters the mounted punches but gets a facebuster. Benoit ducks a swing and hits ROLLING GERMANS! He climbs to the top and MISSES THE HEADBUTT! Triple H gets up and PEDIGREES BENOIT! ONE, TWO, THR-Michaels recovers from death and breaks up the count! He and Hunter slug it out. Shawn finishes with the flying forearm and kips up. Big boos for that. ELBOW DROP! Michaels cues up the band as Benoit starts to recover on the apron. Michaels hits Benoit with SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Crowd hates that. Triple H spins Michaels around and low blows him. Hunter goes for a Pedigree on Michaels, but Shawn backdrops him over the top. On the outside, Hunter scrounges around under the ring and pulls out a SLEDGEHAMMER! He hits Michaels in the back! He's about to use it again, but Benoit makes the save. Hunter throws him into the ring steps. Triple H sets up the ring steps and prepares to Pedigree Benoit into them! Benoit counters to a slingshot INTO THE RINGPOST! Triple H falls into the crowd. Michaels cues up the band again, ready to finish an unsuspecting Benoit. SWEET CHIN MU-NOO!!!! Benoit catches Michaels leg and counters to THE SHARPSHOOTER! Michaels pulls… and pulls… and pulls toward the ropes. Benoit pulls him back to the center! Triple H staggers to the apron and tries to save, but MICHAELS TAPS! Benoit gets a huge win in his first PPV defense and Canada gets a measure of revenge against the hated HBK. (30:09) ****1/2

The 411: Well, two of the matches were stellar. The rest varied in quality, but for the most part it was fun for everyone either through a big payoff (Jericho getting revenge) or angle advancement (Edge using the cast). Obviously, modern perspective has tainted this one for many, but the wrestling and entertainment is still quality.

Thumbs up.

Final Score:  8.5   [ Very Good ]