411’s WWE Raw Report 03.16.09

-So here we go now just three weeks out from Wrestlemania 25, and another huge edition of Raw set for this evening. No one actually believes that Ric Flair will come out of retirement tonight, but there is certainly some intrigue on if we will finally find out who is Chris Jericho’s Wrestlemania opponent. Kozlov & JBL take on Taker & HBK as we continue the build toward both Taker and Shawn, and also whatever historic plans JBL has for Wrestlemania. Also I’m sure we’ll get some hijinx from the participants in both World Title matches.

-Live from AT&T Center in San Antonio, TX

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-No memorial graphic for Andrew “Test” Martin to start to the show. Kind of surprising I would say. Maybe something is planned for later.

-We open up with a recap of last week’s Edge/Big Show/John Cena contract signing.

-Cena vs. Edge with Vickie Guerrero as special guest referee in a non-title match is announced as tonight’s main event.

Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov
We get started with the advertised main event right off the bat. Shawn’s pre match pose is interrupted by his tag team partner’s entrance. Shawn and Kozlov start things off. Kozlov shoves Shawn into the corner, and Shawn asks for a tag. Taker refuses, so Shawn jumps on Kozlov. They scramble and Shawn jumps into the corner forcing the tag. Taker delivers a big boot to Kozlov in the corner, and delivers a clothesline. Taker hits another clothesline sending Kozlov over the top to the floor as we head to break. Back from commercial and Shawn tags in delivering a series of chops to JBL. Shawn hits the ropes delivering a flying forearm, and is back up with a nip up. Bodyslam puts JBL down, and Shawn heads to the top rope delivering the flying elbow. Shawn tunes up the band, but Kozlov provides a distraction and JBL hits a big boot. Tag to Kozlov who is in with a series of elbows. Shawn gets thrown into the corner, and Kozlov charges into a boot. Shawn goes for a whip to the corner, but Kozlov reverses and Shawn hits the buckles. Series of headbutts and a sambo throw gets two for Kozlov. Tag to JBL who delivers a series of rights in the corner, and a brutal clothesline gets two. Tag to Kozlov who comes in with a bearhug. Shawn punches his way out, and delivers a pair of chops. Shawn comes off the ropes and counters a chokeslam attempt into a DDT. Kozlov makes the tag to JBL, but Shawn gets the hot tag to Taker. Taker whips JBL into the buckle, and charges with a splash. To the other corner with another splash goes JBL, and that sets up old school. Taker knocks Kozlov off the apron, and again whips JBL into the corner before delivering snake eyes. Big boot and legdrop connects as Takermania is running wild. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Shawn tags in and delivers sweet chin music to pick up the win at 9:19. Taker furious at Shawn for stealing the win chases him back to the locker room. Taker’s music plays, and Taker looks back to the ring allowing Shawn to sneak back out and deliver sweet chin music to Taker! I guess that’s a pseudo heel turn for HBK? Crowd goes nuts for it, but they are in San Antonio.
Winners: Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker (Shawn pins JBL-Sweet Chin Music **)

-Vickie is in her office, when Edge stops by to pay her a visit. Vickie doesn’t know what to say, as she hasn’t talked to him in a week. Vickie says she’s feels horrible, and Edge tells her to stop talking. Edge tells her he’s got something he wants to tell her. Edge forgives her. Vickie tells Edge that Big Show forced himself on her, and she had no choice. Edge says he gets it, and tells Vickie that Big Show doesn’t love her. He’s just using her to further his career. Edge says Big Show is nothing but a home wrecker and he will pay. Edge says what they have is real. Vickie is speechless, so Edge tells her he doesn’t even blame Big Show. He blames Cena, because it wouldn’t bother him if he didn’t know. Cena tried to humiliate her, and ruin her life. Vickie says she wants Edge to take Cena apart, and if Cena lays a hand on her even accidentally he’s out of the match at Wrestlemania. Edge tells Vickie Cena and Big Show can’t take away what they have. Vickie tells Edge she really hopes he wins at Wrestlemania, and then they embrace.

-Recap of the Orton-HHH house invasion from last week is shown. After the recap package Lawler states that Randy Orton chose not to press charges. Of course he didn’t.

-Todd Grisham is with The Legacy, and asks Orton why he dropped the charges. Orton says HHH is a homicidal maniac. He broke into his house, scared the TV crew, terrorized the neighborhood, and traumatized his wife. Orton says she may never be the same. He states HHH was charged with Assault with a deadly weapon, breaking and entering, and aggravated assault. Orton says HHH could have went to prison, and paid his debt to society. He says he wouldn’t have paid his debt to Orton. Orton states that at Wrestlemania the debt will be paid. Orton says at Wrestlemania it will be Orton’s law.

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla (w. Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, & Melina
Santino graces us on commentary and calls Mickie a shrumpkin. For those wondering that would be a shrimp and a pumpkin. Beth starts out with Mickie, and Mickie takes over with a series of forearms. Mickie delivers a kick, and knocks Jillian off the apron. Beth comes back and knocks Mickie down. Snap mare gets two for Phoenix and she locks in a dragon sleeper. Mickie counters out with a flip, but runs into a shoulderblock. Beth misses an elbow drop, and Mickie tags Melina. Melina knocks the other two heels off the apron, and hits a springboard elbow on Beth. Facebuster from Melina gets a two count, and then she gets a double boot in the corner. Melina connects with a seated senton off the second rope, but Beth comes back with a sidewalk slam for two. Mickie makes the save, and gets pulled to the floor by the heel divas. Santino goes to get involved but Mickie goes downstairs with a kick. Beth tries to pull Mickie back into the ring, but Melina rolls her up for the win at 2:56. Layla, Jillian, and Kelly never even stepped in the ring. Awful match.
Winners: Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, & Melina (Melina pins Beth-Rollup DUD)

-Another “12 Rounds” trailer is shown.

Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes
Cody comes out by himself, but after his entrance Orton and Dibiase come out to watch from the ramp. Cody tries a sneak attack, but gets a double leg takedown by HHH. HHH follows to the floor and drives Rhodes into the ringsteps, the barrier, and the announce table. HHH fires Rhodes inside and gets the sledgehammer from underneath the ring. Orton and Dibiase come towards the ring and HHH dares them to come in. HHH delivers a pedigree to Rhodes, and then calls for a steel cage to be lowered!?!? HHH chases Orton and Dibiase away and then slides back in as the cage surrounds the ring. The announcers act shocked as if they couldn’t see the fucking cage hanging above the ring. The referee calls for the bell and I guess this is a cage match now? HHH pounds away at Cody, as Orton attempts to climb inside. HHH fires Cody into the cage knocking Cody off. Dibiase tries to climb inside, but Cody again goes flying into the cage knocking him off. They try to climb again, and HHH again uses Cody to knock them off. HHH threatens Orton with the sledgehammer, and Dibiase almost makes it in. HHH knocks Dibiase to the floor with the sledgehammer. HHH tells Orton to watch and blasts Orton in the head with the sledgehammer. That gets the victory officially at 2:18. I guess the story here is that HHH being a McMahon has the power to make this thing a cage match. After the match HHH climbs to the top of the cage and stares down at Orton and Dibiase. The segment was very effective if you can get over that there was a cage hanging above the ring that no one knew was there.
Winner: Triple H (Pinfall-Sledgehammer Shot *)

-A limousine arrives at the arena carrying Ric Flair

Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph gets the “already in the ring” jobber entrance. Dolph introduces himself before the match, and then grabs an arm wringer. Ziggler connects with a clothesline, and delivers a bodyslam. Ziggler connects with a series of elbow drops, and tries to get the pin with a boot to the chest. Cole announces that Mysterio has challenged JBL for an Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania. Ziggler locks in a full nelson, and Rey counters out with a chin buster. Rey delivers a pair of kicks from his back, and then hurracanrana’s Ziggler into the ringpost. Springboard seated senton connects for Rey, and is followed by a rana which sets up the 619. 619 connects and Rey finishes with a top rope splash at 2:15. I guess Rey really is healthy after his injury scare this past weekend.
Winner: Rey Mysterio (Pinfall-Top Rope Splash ½*)

-Chris Jericho is out to the ring in his ring gear to see if Ric Flair will answer his challenge. Jericho says thanks to Flair’s interference he isn’t going to Wrestlemania. Flair stole his chance at immortality and is left with nothing. That’s why he challenged Flair to face him right now tonight, as this will be his Wrestlemania. Jericho says its pathetically obvious he can’t stay on the sidelines. He’s giving him a chance to come out retirement tonight. Jericho says Flair always says to be the man you have to beat the man, but Flair’s not a man he’s a joke. He says Flair is a pathetic washed up has been, but tonight Jericho is giving him what he’s been waiting for. A chance to relive the glory one last time. He asks Flair to come back one last time, and take his chance. Finally that brings Flair out, and to the surprise of absolutely no one he’s not in his gear. Flair tells Jericho even though he knows he can beat him he is officially retired as an active competitor. Flair says make no mistake however, he will always be the man. Flair says he will not tarnish that great retirement and send off given to him last year. Flair says he won’t let the people down who made that night the greatest of his career. Flair says he can’t wrestle Jericho, but he has found some men who can. Flair brings out Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper. The four men head to the ring and surround the ring. They all come in the ring and surround Jericho. Steamboat takes down Jericho, and he bails to the floor where he is met with a right hand from Flair. Jericho heads to the locker room, and we STILL don’t have a Wrestlemania match for him.

-Todd Grisham catches up with Jericho who says what we just saw proved his point. All these legends can’t hang it up, and keep seeking the spotlight. Jericho asks why he would be embarrassed, and then he gets a thought. He challenges Snuka, Piper, and Steamboat to a match at Wrestlemania…and the crowd goes mild. Jericho asks Flair to be in the corner of the legends, because the pain he inflicts on the has beens is on his hands. Jericho also says he will buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket, and unlike the ending to “The Wrestler” it won’t be ambigious. It will be tragic.

Kofi Kingston, Montel Vontavious Porter, & CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin, Mark Henry, & Kane
Christian, Finlay, and Hornswoggle join us on commentary for this one. Benjamin and Kofi start out, and Shelton grabs an armbar. Kofi kicks out of that, and rolls up Shelton for a two count. Shelton delivers a clothesline and tags in Henry. Headbutt connects for Henry who follows up with a kick to the ribs. Headbutt connects in the corner, and Kofi gets whipped to the corner. Kofi moves from a charge, and delivers a boot to Henry. Tag to MVP who is in with a pair of dropkicks sending Henry to the corner for a tag to Kane. Kane comes in and gets a drop toehold into the corner. MVP hits the corner boot, but Shelton comes in to provide a distraction. That brings everyone in as we head to commercial. Back from break and Kane has Kofi in a backbreaker submission across his knee. Kofi comes out and walks into a sidewalk slam for two. Shelton tags in and delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. Shelton grabs a abdominal stretch, and Kofi hiplocks out of it. Tag to Punk who comes in off the top with a clothesline. Dropkick connects for Punk, and he follows up with a running knee in the corner. Bulldog gets two as Kane makes the save. Kofi comes in and delivers a rana to Kane sending him to the floor. Tony Atlas provides a distraction, and MVP botches what was supposed to be pulling Shelton to the ropes, Punk hits the GTS anyway which finishes at 8:16. Nothing great, but nothing terrible either.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Montel Vontavious Porter, & CM Punk (Punk pins Shelton-GTS **)

-Vickie finds Big Show in her office, and asks what he’s doing there. Vickie tells him she has him all figured out. Show tells her that’s not true, and reminds her that she pursued him not the other way around. Show says he’s anatomically superior to Edge. Vickie says Edge tells her one thing and Show tells her another. Show tells Vickie that Edge accused him of doing the same thing that he is doing. Show tells her that he loves her and he’s going to prove it. Show seals the deal with a kiss and tells her she looks very sexy in that referee shirt.

-Rundown of the Wrestlemania Card as it stands so far. Shawn vs. Taker, Hardy vs. Hardy, Show vs. Cena vs. Edge, & HHH vs. Orton. They don’t mention them but it appears that in addition to Money in the Bank we’re now getting Mysterio vs. JBL and Jericho vs. The Nursing Home Wrecking Crew.

-Grisham asks HHH how he got Vickie Guerrero to cooperate with him to lower the cage. He doesn’t respond, but when he gets in the car Steph is waiting for him. That’s actually a very good job of explaining that.

Edge vs. John Cena
Special guest referee Vickie Guerrero heads to the ring as we head to commercial. The stipulation here is that if Cena touches Vickie, even by accident, he is out of the Wrestlemania main event. Edge wearing the alternate purple uniform as this is a road game for him. Bell rings at 11 PM on the nose, which doesn’t bode, well for this getting much time. Edge grabs a headlock, but Cena comes out with a wristlock. Edge delivers a crushing right hand to take control and hammers away in the corner. Edge fires Cena into the buckle, but Cena reverses a whip to the corner and fights back with a fisherman’s suplex. Cena goes for the cover, but Vickie refuses to count. Cena gets in Vickie’s face, and that allows Edge to attack from behind with a double axe handle and a series of boots. Cena fights back, and hits the ropes, but gets thrown over the top to the floor. Edge goes out after him and fires Cena into the announce table before whipping him into the ringsteps. Edge fires Cena back inside, and sets up for the spear. Cena moves out of the way of the spear and explodes with a pair of shoulder tackles. Cena goes for the five knuckle shuffle, but Vickie lies down on top of Edge She gets up too early and Cena delivers it anyway. Cena goes for the attitude adjuster, but Vickie pulls Edge off Cena’s shoulders. Cena goes for the STF, but Vickie jumps on his back. That brings out Big Show, and he and Edge double team Cena. They tie Cena up in the ropes, and Edge delivers the spear. Vickie smacks Cena around after that, and Show delivers a trio of right hands to the gut before delivers two versions of the knockout blow. Show celebrates, and Edge spears him out of nowhere. Edge stands in the middle as the show goes off the air.
No Contest

-Really not a good show this week at all. The Michaels-Taker stuff was really good at the outset, but it was all downhill from there. The HHH-Orton build was virtually non-existant this week. The Jericho announcment was a HUGE letdown, and the Edge-Cena match turned out to be nothing more than an angle. They really need to kick it into high gear these last two weeks, because what started out as an amazing build has really stalled lately. Next week I will be at Raw in Kansas City, and will not be here for the report. 411’s Randy Harrison will be filling in for me, so play nice kids and we’ll see ya on the 30th.