411’s OVW TV Report 10.29.05

Welcome one and welcome all to the future! Please be sure to keep your hands and other dangling body parts inside the ride at all times as we venture forth into the future of the WWE, which can be found in Louisville, Kentucky. Home of the Danny Davis Arena and Ohio Valley Wrestling! Here, we see the results of the TV Taping for the week and get a glimpse into one of the great stars the OVW has to offer.

Elijah Burke vs. Doug Basham

Doug Basham is apparently going around with an assistant now that holds up cue cards to the audience telling them how to react. I smell another bad Smackdown gimmick. They lock up. Burke with a headlock. Basham finally manages to pull out of it. Chop Block to Burke. Whoooo! Chop Block to Basham. Whoooo! Another chop to Burke! Another chop to Basham. Whoooo! Whoooo! Burke with some more chops. And some more. Man. Will he ever stop chopping? My Whoooo-ter is breaking. Burke with a headlock again. Basham escapes again. Now Basham with the headlock. The assistant dude holds up an applause sign. Burke working the crowd. Burke escapes. Atomic Drop to Basham. Dude puts his applause sign down. Backdrop by Burke. He’s feeling it. Powerslam by Burke and he’s ready to end this. Could it be time for the Experience?? NO! Basham escapes to the corner. The two play with each other in the corner. Burke with some elbows. Basham falls to the ring. Burke climbs and HITS THE EXPERIENCE. And that’s all.

Winner- Elijah Burke

Maria is in the hallways talking up tonight’s card. Some chick named Sosay comes up to her and is giving her the look of death. They are both wearing the same dress. Apparently this is about as bad as wearing a fake title. Maria laughing (big surprise) but Sosay isn’t too happy so I guess we’re going to have a rip your dress off match next.

Maria vs. Sosay

They go down to the ring and both take the time to take off their shoes. Women. Psh. A fan actually catches one of Maria’s shoes. I smell an eBay…or maybe Maria just has athlete’s foot. Catfight time. Maria and Sosay rolling around in the ring. Both trying to rip the dress of the other. Oh man, it’s hard to care about this match when you can see what I see. Cue up some Sisqo. Anywho, Sosay, ripping off one of Maria’s straps now. Maria’s pissed and shoves Sosay down. Maria bitchslapping Sosay. Who knew she had a mean streak? Maria rips off the top of Sosay’s dress! Crowd’s loving it. Well at least the men and the person holding Maria’s shoe is. Sosay trying to cover up. Maria rips off the rest of Sosay’s dress! And That’s it! Wait…Ken Doane is in the ring. That’s Sosay’s boyfriend. He’s got Maria by the hair. Wait! It’s BOBBY LASHLEY! Ken Doane and Sosay are So-gone (I made a funny) Lashley holds Maria’s hand up in victory.

Winner- Maria (I guess)

Brent Albright vs. CM Punk

I can’t wait for this one. This is a WWE caliber match. Punk out and is playing the heel to the fans, even though the fans are still cheering him on. Brent Albright out now. Albright offers a hand shake. Punk backs off. Punk’s current gimmick is that he has no respect for anyone in the OVW. (And why should he after his work in ROH!) They lock up. Albright throws Punk to the mat. Albright offers his hand again. Punk knocks Albright down. Albright up. Hiptoss to Punk. Albright offers his hand again. (I can hear Chris Beniot now. Be a man!) Punk refuses again and shoulder blocks Albright to the mat. Punk now offering HIS hand. Man, what is this. An Ironman Shake My Hand Match? Albright isn’t so willing to accept now. They exchange blows. Man, Albright AGAGIN offers his hand. Punk is looking to the crowd. They want him to accept it. Punk slaps him across the face! More slaps and a pin for 2! 2 count for a slap? Punk hits a big kick. Punk going to the top rope. No! Albright catches him and body slam! Clothesline by Alrbight. Shoulder block. Another body slam. Another clothesline. Albright is feeling it. He’s calling for the Crowbar! Albright with an arm breaker on Punk. Albright trying to get Punk on the mat. Punk reverses and HE’S GOT ALBRIGHT IN THE CROWBAR!! WOW! Albright is hurting! Tries to spin out twice. Can’t get out of it. He’s going to tap! NO! Albright’s feet make it to the ropes! Punk drags Albright to the corner. Puts him on the top ropes. Fans are chanting for Punk to finish him off! Alrbight shoves him off and into the ring. Albright dives at Punk and MISSES. Both are down. Both up now. Exchanging elbow shots. Punk misses Albright from behind and German Suplex! And another! And a third! A nelson suplex gets him for 3! Albright takes Punk’s hand and forces him to shake.

Winner- Brent Albright

OVW CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Johnny Jeter (c) vs. Matt Capotelli

This match has been in the works for a LONG time, ever since Capotelli broke his leg. The two are former partners and former OVW Southern Tag Team Champions. There’s a lot of people in the ring. Guess they are trying to keep each other from killing each other right away. Streamers come out. Doesn’t that usually happen AFTER someone wins a title? Refs are holding them both back. Let em fight! Jeter finally gives up his belt and the ref holds it up. There’s the bell but they are already fighting! Ref tries to get involved and they both shove him out of the way. Jeter retreats to the outside to regroup. The crowd is really into this one. Jeter back in and gets Capotelli to the mat. Jeter working on Matt’s leg he just broke. Matt retreats to the outside. Capotelli back in again. They exchange more blows. Jeter back out. Jeter and Matt talking some smack. Jeter back in now and a kick to Matt’s bad leg. Capotelli backs off. More smack talk. Jeter tries to kick his leg again but Capotelli grabs Jeter’s leg. SMACK! You could hear the echo! Capotelli smacks Jeter hard and Jeter falls to the outside! Jeter trying to get back in. Capotelli with a huge kick knocks him back to the outside. Jeter finally gets back in. More brawling from the two. (This would have been a great street fight) Jeter kicks Matt’s leg again.. and again. Jeter punches his leg and kicks it again. Jeter really working his leg now. Matt yelling in pain. Jeter out of the ring now and whips Capotelli’s bad leg around the ring post! Matt falls out of the ring and onto the floor. Jeter back in the ring. Capotelli trying to get back in. Jeter attacks him on the apron. Let’s Matt back in. Matt fighting back but Jeter stops it with a kick to the gut and pins him for 2! Jeter now has Matt’s leg in a leglock. He’s screaming. He’s going to tap. NO! Capotelli kicks and punches his way out of it! Jeter lets go but gets a huge punch that knocks Matt down. Jeter covers for a 1 count. Jeter going for the leglock again but Jeter grabs him and throws him to the outside! Jeter back in. Brawling again. Some chop blocks! Whooo! Whooo! CAPOTELLI NAILS A DDT! THEY’RE BOTH DOWN! Ref starts his count! Both get up. Matt is limping. Clothesline to Jeter. Ref counts to 9! Capotelli up. Goes toward Jeter. Jeter begging Capotelli to back off. Matt pulls Jeter up and…HUGS HIM? WHAT THE HELL? Capotelli shakes his head and CLOTHESLINE! And Another! Bodyslam gets 2! Jeter going for the cloverleaf now! Capotelli escapes and sends Jeter to the corner. Capotelli going for a splash but Jeter moves! Jeter puts Capotelli in a Boston Crab on the second ropes corner! Jeter pins for 2! Jeter stomping on Matt’s leg. Bodyslam by Jeter. Jeter to the top rope. BACKFLIP FROM THE TOP ROPE COULD END IT! NO! Capotelli moves! Capotelli gets 2! Jeter leaves the ring. He grabs his belt. He’s giving up! The Ref is out now and he’s trying to take Jeter’s belt away from him. CAPOTELLI DIVES ONTO JETER! Matt throws Jeter back into the ring. Capotelli with a big splash! Only gets 2! Close! Matt hurt himself though! SUPERKICK BY JETER! NO! ONLY 2! Jeter puts Matt in a weird form of Boston Crab! He’s going to tap! NO! HE somehow reaches the ropes! Jeter thinks he tapped! Ref tells him no. Jeter working on the bad leg but Capotelli kicks him with his good leg! Both men down! Jeter kicks up! So does Matt! SUPERKICK BY CAPOTELLI TO JETER! THE PIN 1 2 NO! MISTERRRRRRRRRR KENNNNEDYYYYYYY IS HERE AND YANKED THE REF OUT OF THE RING! Ref is yelling at Kennedy! Kennedy takes the title. CAPOTELLI DIVES OVER THE ROPES AND NAILS KENNEDY AND THE REF! Kennedy up now and is kicking Capotelli. Kennedy tosses the belt to Jeter. SUPERKICK TO KENNEDY! Capotelli in the ring! He doesn’t know Jeter has the belt! Jeter running at him with the belt! MATT DUCKS! BUT JETER HITS A LOW BLOW! SLAMS CAPOTELLI IN THE HEAD WITH THE BELT AND HE’S OUT COLD. Ref crawls back into the ring and gets the very slow 3.

Winner And Still OVW Heavyweight Champion- Johnny Jeter